Miley Cyrus' VMA Backlash Sends Us Into 5 Stages of Grief
I'm not sure if you guys heard, but Miley Cyrus performed a little at the VMAs this past Sunday. Things happened! And it all got pretty awkward when Robin Thicke came out on stage and did a little duet of "Blurred Lines" with Cyrus while she humped a finger dick. Like a train wreck — no one could look away...
Here's the thing: Cyrus is 20 years old, and she's a pop star. She is allowed to adopt whatever image she (or her management) want for her career, and, since she is in an industry that isn't so much about music as it is just entertaining and shocking the crowd, Cyrus is going to keep pushing the envelope with sexy performances because she knows it will get people talking and publishing articles about it, just like I am now. A total of 10.1 million people watched the VMAs when it aired on Sunday, and it seems like even more people know about Cyrus' performance, so I doubt she's too unhappy despite the fact that we all think it's gross.
It's been over 24 hours, and people are still talking about the performance like it was some sort of majorly shocking thing that we should care about. If you're anything like me, you're annoyed enough to consider ripping the Internet cord out of the wall so you don't have to see anyone talking about it anymore. But don't worry: The Kübler-Ross model dictates that there are five stages of grief every individual goes through after experiencing something traumatic, and witnessing a story about it on CNN is as traumatic as it comes — so surely we've got to be somewhere close to stage five, right? Right?
That said... watching it was still one of the most uncomfortable experiences of my life, and I've watched every episode of My Strange Addiction. Multiple times. (I have a problem.)
The Five Stages of Accepting Miley Cyrus' VMA performance Backlash:
Stage One: Denial
"Why am I watching this? What is happening? I'm changing the channel to Breaking Bad."
Stage Two: Anger
"Okay, did no one see Breaking Bad tonight? Why is everyone talking about Miley Cyrus instead of THAT THING WALTER WHITE DID THAT I WON'T SPOIL FOR EVERYONE ELSE RIGHT NOW?!"
Stage Three: Bargaining
"Okay, if this news stops taking over my Twitter feed and the entire Internet, I promise that I'll make sure to read every single story about Benghazi and Egypt that I can find. See? I'm opening tabs right now... please make it stop... "
Stage Four: Depression
"It's on CNN. All of my dreams are dead."
Stage Five: Acceptance
"Fine. I guess I'll read it. If CNN would post it, maybe it's worth looking at — oh dear God, she's twerking on Robin Thicke, this is not worth any views ever, WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?!"
(Revert back to denial, and repeat.)
[GIFS via conanofallon/Tumblr]