Man, the United States really has some bizarre habits when it comes to seasonal processed food products, doesn't it? The latest addition to the parade of bizarre Halloween-themed foods is Candy Corn Pebbles cereal — that is, Pebbles that allegedly taste like candy corn. I’ll be honest: At first, all I could think was, “Why? Why would anyone possibly need this?” And then I remember that no one actually needs processed foods, so clearly, they touch something deep inside us all — some strange an inexplicable need for us to make everything in our lives festive, no matter what the season. And yes, that includes breakfast.
According to Food Beast, Candy Corn Pebbles will only be available at grocery stores for a limited time; come mid-November, they’ll vanish like so many pieces of stale, leftover Halloween candy. Prices will vary depending on the retailer, but they’re expected to run about $2.99 a box. As was the case with Candy Corn Pops, I assume that Candy Corn Pebbles pretty much just taste like sugar topped with more sugar… but hey, at least they’ve got a few vitamins and minerals thrown in there as well. For the curious, the box looks like this:
Can someone explain to me why so many of the seasonal junk foods on shelves this year are candy corn-flavored? It makes no sense to me. As I remarked earlier, I’ve never encountered anyone who actively likes candy corn; for most of us, it’s just sort of “that thing we’ll eat if it’s around, even though we have no idea why we’re eating it.” Or at least, that’s what I’ve always thought — maybe I’m wrong. Can anyone enlighten me? Please? Inquiring minds want to know!
In any event, here’s a selection of the other bizarre Halloween-themed foods available this season that you probably shouldn’t be eating, but likely will anyway:
1. TruMoo Orange Scream Milk
Now, I realize that orange flavoring is an entirely different beast than an actual orange… but given that citrus has a tendency to curdle dairy products, I just can’t think of this one without automatically triggering my gag reflex. Maybe it’s supposed to taste like a liquefied Creamsicle?
But what flavor are these “orange colored morsels,” Toll House? Don’t tease us like that!
According to Dinosaur Dracula, “basically, they taste like candy corn does before you actually chew it. This removes the horrible candy corn aftertaste, which as we all know is flavorspeak for ‘quicksand get help.’” Uh... I'll pass.
Hostess usually puts out a few Halloween redesigns of their most popular treats; this year, though, the cream inside the Twinkies isn’t just orange colored. It’s orange flavored, too.
5. Prairie Farms “Spooktacular” Egg Nog and Peanut Butter Chocolate Milk
I’ve never heard of Prairie Farms before and I’m not sure what’s so Halloween-y about egg nog... but hey, if it gives me an excuse to break out the nog before Thanksgiving, so be it. I also kind of dig the idea of being able to drink a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup.
6. General Mills Monster Cereals
Aha! This! This is something I can get behind! Last year, General Mills announced that for the first time since they became solely a seasonal food, all five of their classic monster cereals would be available for purchase. This included Fruit Brute and Fruity Yummy Mummy, both which had been out of production for decades. Even better, retro versions of the boxes were available at Target, allowing us to fully embrace our breakfast-y, Halloween-y nostalgia. Alas, this year, only Boo-Berry, Count Chocula, and Franken-Berry have hit shelves, but it’s still better than nothing.
We’ve already been over these, but just in case you missed it, here they are again. Again, what’s with the weird candy corn obsession this year? I can’t help but think that we’re really starting to scrape the barrel here.