The 17 Emotional Stages Of Painting Your Nails, Because How The Heck Do They Chip So Quickly?!
I’ve always held my nails to extremely high standards. When I was nine, I got in a fight with my choir director who made me take off my blue polish before our annual concert (which never made since to me, so it was definitely worth the battle.) Three years later, I had to go to the salon every six week to touch up my fake nails and make sure the tips were perfect. Now? I refuse to leave the house unless my shortly clipped nails are coated with coral polish. It's a lifestyle.
I’m not the only one, though. From gel polish to crazy complicated Pinterest nail art, it’s become a beauty obsession over the past few years. And why not? It’s a cool way to show off your style that will (theoretically) last all week.
But, I’ll be the first to admit that painting my nails is a complete struggle. Like, an actual royal pain in my butt. You have to choose a color, apply enough coats that it won’t chip throughout the week, and sit there and wait for it to dry. And if you accidentally get wet polish on and stain your clothes? Oh, honey.
Yeah, it’s an annoying process that every Essie addict has to go through. Here’s a walk through of the entire emotional roller coaster of an at-home mani, because you need something to read while your nails dry.
1. Ok, I'm So Excited
You’re going to paint your nails! They’ll be super shiny and pretty and Instagram ready! You’re basically a beauty guru.
2. But How Am I Supposed To Decide Between These Two Reds?
Hm… this is hard. Do you go for that old fall shade or crack open a new Essie bottle? SO. MANY. CHOICES.
3. Ugh, Filing Is The Worst
Not only do you have to listen to that awful sound when you’re basically grinding your precious nails with sandpaper, but they never turn out even.
4. OK, OK. Let's Do This
You’re ready to paint those bad boys.
5. My Left Thumb Is Painted
And it looks SO GOOD.
6. Well, That Didn't Last Long
I swear, these people MAKE these tiny brushes so you’ll mess up and get "sure shot" all over your fingers.
7. Ugh. This Is Bad
8. Now That I've Finally Cleaned Up All My Cuticles, It's Time For Another Coat
Are you kidding me? Seriously? Why can’t this just be one and done?
9. And Now We Wait
I mean, they should only take five minutes to dry.
10. ...And Wait...
10 minutes… tops.
11. How Are My Nails Still Wet?!
I’M WAITING FOR MY “TOPLESS AND BAREFOOT” TO DRY, NOT FOR THE NEW IPHONE 6.
12. Let Me Just Try Gently Touching One...
And it smudged.
13. Time To Whip Out The Blow-Dryer
I will get my nails dry. I will get my nails dry. I WILL GET MY NAILS DRY.
14. [flash forward to Two Days Later] A Chip. Already.
15. Whatever, I'm Ignoring It
Nope. Didn’t see it.
16. But, Soon Enough, Every Finger Is Chipped
How? HOW? All I did was go to class and get dinner and drink wine. There’s no way those activities can cause this much damage.
17. And Now It’s Time To Do It All Over Again
The cycle never ends.
Images: Getty Images; Giphy (17)