This year, I hate Halloween. Which is weird because I used to love it; the song "This Is Halloween" from The Nightmare Before Christmas used to be my jam. I used to love everything about it — the spookiness, the candy, the parties. I loved dressing up: I've been Amy Winehouse (respectfully, as she's one of my favorites), Lindsay Weir, and Sylvia Rosen from Mad Men (I had a very Linda Cardellini Halloween last year). But this year, I'm so over it. So very over it. I think my change of heart is a product of two things:
- I feel like I'm getting too old for this. Not just for Halloween, but maybe I'm getting too old for theme parties in general, and what is Halloween if not one giant theme party?
- I have to move November 1st, and who the hell feels like celebrating Halloween when you have to move the next day? I mean, what, I'm gonna dress up and hit the town and then go home and continue packing? I know this reason is very specific to me, except that it's kinda not; I can't be the only grown-up who used to love Halloween until they realized that November 1st is still a thing and sometimes you have to do things on that day.
So if you're anything like me, and just not in the mood this year, here are 8 other things to do on Halloween:
1. Celebrate a different holiday instead
Hey, what's a calendar anyway? You gonna let it boss you around? Hell, no. Why not celebrate a different holiday instead of Halloween? Why not celebrate Christmas in October, if you really want to? Make paper snowflakes and tape them on your windows. Bust out the Christmas CDs. Put on your favorite ugly Christmas sweater. And jingle bell rock it, hard. Or dye some Easter eggs or spin a dreidel. Live by your own calendar.
2. Have an anti-Halloween party
Go ahead and be a Halloween Grinch if you want to. Put out un-carved squash. Serve a veggie platter instead of candy. Make it clear to everyone that they are not to, under any circumstances, wear a costume. Put on a romantic comedy in the background. Do everything you can to make it absolutely clear that this is not a Halloween party; just a party that happens to fall on October 31.
3. Indulge in a Netflix marathon
Always wanted to get into House of Cards, but never found the time? Here's your opportunity! Use Halloween night to binge watch anything and everything you've always wanted. Ignore any trick-or-treaters who may bang on your door, or answer them pretending to be Frank Underwood: "Well, isn't this something? A Hal-o-ween group of little travelers at my doorstep. Hungry for candy, no doubt, but hungry for so much more. Hungry for depth, for meaning, for something beyond this one little night in your lives, in which you get all dressed up and put on your masks and walk around like you own this town. You don't own this town, little travelers. I have no candy for you, I have only advice: don't waste your lives pretending to be someone else." Then double knock on your doorframe and slam it shut. The kids will love it!
4. Take a mini-vacation
Just avoid the whole thing entirely. Hole up in a hotel outside of town, and wait for it to blow over. There's no trick-or-treaters in hotels, right? Yeah, this one is a bit extreme, but if you've got vacation days, why not go for it and flee? Hang out by a pool, even if it's freezing outside. Because nothing says "vacation" like hanging out by a pool. NOTHING.
5. Go to bed early
Another way to opt out of the whole holiday is to simply go to bed early, which is like taking a vacation, but way less expensive. Who among us is not perpetually sleep deprived anyway? This is your chance to catch up! View it as a special treat for your mind and body, and you'll seem like less of a spoilsport. But who cares if you are? Own it!
6. Start a hobby
Maybe you've got a bunch of Pinterest boards full of crafts and DIY stuff that you've never gotten to. This is your golden opportunity. Dedicate Halloween night to finally getting down to building that birdhouse. Or baking that cake. Or stalking that ex. (Hey, I'm not here to judge your hobbies.) Whatever it is, set aside some time and space and get to it.
7. Go online shopping
Online shopping is easily the best kind of shopping, because you don't have to wear pants, and anytime you don't have to wear pants, that's a definite win. You don't even have to actually buy anything; just perusing your favorite clothing/electronic/whatever websites is enough. I like to put a bunch of stuff in my cart and pretend I'm rich, and laugh heartily. That's my hobby.
8. Get drunk
Because that wine isn't gonna drink itself. If you feel guilty, just tell yourself it's your Olivia Pope costume.
Images: Getty Images; Giphy(8)