Paula Abdul Just Basically Ruined Boobs For Us

Breast Cancer Awareness is such an inarguably important issue that I feel hesitant to criticize even the most awkward and unnecessary advocates. I feel like I'm pretty good at putting aside my personal feelings about people in the spirit of recognizing when we're all fighting the same good fight. But then here comes Paula Abdul with her cringe-inducing new music video/breast cancer awareness PSA, not only ruining my desire to listen to music and touch my boobs (heretofore two of my favorite activities in the world), but making me doubt my ability to maintain solidarity with annoying allies. Because – internet, forgive these next words – I cannot even with this video.

Paula Abdul continues to be the Cool Mom of the pop music world: She refuses to quietly go away and let the kids be kids. No, she insists on sneaking into our closet, stealing our clothes, making us virgin margaritas, trying to make us sing Katy Perry in the car with her, and generally refusing to take the hint that while we regard her with nothing but fondness, her inability to move on with life and accept that we don't want to talk about boys (or boobs, as the case may be) with her is really harshing our good will. Go home, Paula, you're drunk (literally, probably.)

Of the video, Paula says:

“Singing and dancing are my passions. I am thrilled and inspired to have had the opportunity to apply these passions to create a new music video in support of the breast cancer awareness cause, and the new global #CheckYourself for Breast Cancer campaign is very personal for me...My sister Wendy was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2000. As a breast cancer survivor and champion for the cause, she inspires me every day. My hope is that this new video will inspire women and men to take charge of their own breast health through screening, detection, and treatment.”

Cool story, mom. Close the door on your way out.

Image: Getty Images