As an avid fan of Friends, I can't imagine why anyone wouldn't want to be Monica Geller. She's smart, savvy, has one of the most amazing (and totally unrealistic) apartments in all of Manhattan, and marries the King of Ironic Muttered Commentary. Plus, she gets to work all day with food, which is something that I enjoy a hell of a lot more than most human beings. Even Courteney Cox recognized the awesomeness of Monica; she was actually offered the role of Rachel Green during the series' conception and turned it down, saying Monica was a better fit (let's take a moment and pause to reflect on just how different our lives might have been if she hadn't done that). If being like Monica is any indication of how my adult life is going to pan out, then I'm looking forward to the future more than ever.
Of course, that isn't to say life is easy for the Real Life Monicas of the world. First, there's all the name calling: "neat freak" and "sore loser", to name a few. Second, all of your elaborate, carefully-laid plans inevitably go haywire when people around you don't respect the obvious beauty and rightness of them. But we love our friends, and our friends love us, so we power through the madness, shouldering our Monica duties as we go. This is what it's like to be that friend:
You're Always The One Making Plans
It'd be nice if your other friends could pick up the phone and organize something every one in a while, but everyone in the group knows that if they wait long enough, you will inevitably arrange every group text, e-mail blast, and hangout arrangement by meticulously working around everyone's schedules. (You can't help that you do it best.)
You're Often Cleaning Up The Party Before People Leave
It's not that you want everyone to go, it's just that the mess is sitting there and nobody is doing anything with it, and you have two free hands. And if you wake up to six pizza boxes and beer cans all over the floor tomorrow morning you're going to blow a gasket.
You Made All Your Friends Work Out
You not only encourage them to get exercise (and offer to coach them, naturally), you also insist that they download Fitbit so you can see exactly how hard your daily step count totally crushes theirs. Also you care about their health and stuff. (But mostly you like to win.)
Your Friends Are Insultingly Surprised When You Loosen Up
You have a fun side, you can be the fun one, geez. Just because you're obsessive about everybody using coasters at all times and not touching anything in your kitchen and scrubbing the bathtub with vigor every time your roommate has a "friend" use it after spending the night doesn't mean that you're not down with the cool kids.
You're Still Confused That Your Friends Aren't As Excited About Food As You Are
Sure, they're excited about food, but they have yet to get on your level. At this point nobody has. But that doesn't mean you're going to stop forcing them to eat your cooking (which they love).
You Love Your Dorky Brother
Same goes for dorky guy friends. You're in this for the long haul. Shout-out to my own dorky older brother, who, like Ross, has also dated my best friend, both of whom I still love anyway.
You Are The Butt Of Everyone's Jokes
Everybody knows that you're basically made of steel. You wouldn't have made it this far as the crazy competitive person you are if you were so thin-skinned that you couldn't handle a little bit of teasing about your hyper Type A nature. So yes, your friends feel totally comfortable making fun of you. Maybe a little too comfortable.
You Secretly Hated Their Drinking Games
How are you supposed to WIN when everybody is too drunk to keep score? Is there even a score? How on earth are they calling this a "game"?!
You Are Not Afraid To Be Blunt With Your Friends
You will be the first person to tell them that they are wrong. Also that they have something stuck in their teeth. You care a lot and you care aggressively and you're lucky that they understand that you just can't help it if it occasionally comes off a little too honest.
You Are Always The Designated Driver
You already know you're going to handle parenthood like a complete pro, because nothing surprises you anymore. You've been called at four in the morning from truck stops; you've pulled mystery objects out of your friends' hair as they hurled; you've seen it all and then some. Bring it on, kids.
You Love Really Hard
You can be a bit over-enthusiastic sometimes but that's only because the things that are important to you matter to you in a "go big or go home" kind of way. You don't like your friends. You love them. And same goes for everything in your life.
You Feel Compelled To Give Advice On All Things
In your defense, you're almost always (sometimes) right. When it comes to giving advice, you can't help yourself – If you see a problem, you want to solve it. Eventually all Monicas of their groups realize that occasionally their friends just want a shoulder to cry on and somebody to agree with them that something sucks, but in the meantime you are also formulating a nine-step plan of attack to fix everything.
You Have To Know Everything That Is Going On At All Times
Secrets, secrets are no fun unless you tell ME. And you might as well get it over with, because I'll find out anyway.
You Are The One Who Keeps Everybody In Touch
It doesn't matter how far away everyone lives or how long it's been since people in your friend group have talked to each other, you are always the one that they rely on to keep everybody in touch about each other's birthdays, engagements, big moves and crazy life events. You are the first one they call with their good news and you are more than happy to help spread it around. That's what friends are for.
Images: NBC; Giphy(13)