15 Amy Poehler Quotes from 'Yes Please' That Prove She's Our Brilliant Fairy Godmother

HOLLYWOOD, CA - MARCH 18: Actress Amy Poehler speaks during The Paley Center for Media's PaleyFest 2014 Honoring 'Parks and Recreation' at the Dolby Theatre on March 18, 2014 in Hollywood, California. (Photo by Frederick M. Brown/Getty Images)
Source: Frederick M. Brown/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images

These Amy Poehler quotes say it all. In a few days, when her memoir Yes Please hits shelves, Poehler will join the list of comedy's female powerhouses (including Mindy Kaling, Sarah Silverman, and Poehler's "comedy wife" Tina Fey) who have opened up about their careers, personal lives, insecurities and triumphs in the pages of a book. 

Yes Please is already getting buzz because of Poehler's candid revelations about her past dabbling in drugs and her 2012 divorce from ex-husband Will Arnett, but the book is far more than a salacious Hollywood tell-all. As Poehler recounts her journey from her idyllic childhood in Massachusetts to her early days in improv in Chicago and New York, to her Saturday Night Live and Parks and Recreation success, she peppers her stories with the wisdom she's picked up along the way. Not surprising, since the book is touted as part self-help guide, and Poehler's been known to dish out advice in her "Ask Amy" web videos, a facet of her Smart Girls at the Party project.

Like the guidance she gives in the "Ask Amy" videos, Poehler's insights in Yes Please are honest, humorous, and full of common sense in a way that makes it perfectly clear why Poehler has been able to take over the world the way she has.

ON DECIDING WHAT YOU DO (AND DON'T) WANT TO DO...

"I think we should stop asking people in their twenties what they 'want to do' and start asking them what they don't want to do. Instead of asking students to 'declare their major' we should ask students to 'list what they will do anything to avoid.'"

ON COMBATING NEGATIVE BODY IMAGE...

"When the demon starts to slither my way and say bad shit about me I turn around and say, 'Hey. Cool it. Amy is my friend. Don't talk about her like that.' Sticking up for ourselves in the same way we would one of our friends is a hard but satisfying thing to do. Sometimes it works."

ON SEX (FOR WOMEN)...

"Try not to fake it. I know you are tired/nervous/eager to please/unsure of how to get there. Just remember to allow yourself real pleasure and not worry about how long it takes ... God punished us with the gift of being able to fake it. Show God who the real boss is by getting off and getting yours."

"You have to have sex with your husband occasionally even though you are exhausted. Sorry."

"Laugh a lot and try new things with someone you love."

ON SEX (FOR MEN)...

"Be nice, tell your woman she is hot, never shame her and never hurt her."

"If you don't get an erection, we know it's usually not because of us. We look concerned because we are wondering if it will keep happening."

"If you don't eat pussy, keep walking." 

ON COMPARING YOURSELF TO OTHER WOMEN...

"Good for her! Not for me. That is the motto women should constantly repeat over and over again."

ON WHAT SHE LEARNED FROM HER PARENTS...

From Mom: "Always tell people when they do a good job. Your female friends will outlast every man in your life. You don't want to be the sexy mom."

From Dad: "Ask for what you want. Girls can do anything boys can do. Don't listen to experts."

ON KNOWING WHO YOUR FRIENDS ARE...

"I am a firm believer that every few years one needs to shake one's life through a sieve, like a miner in the Yukon. The gold nuggets remain. The rest falls through like the soft earth it is."

ON CAREER...

"You have to care about your work but not about the result. You have to care about how good you are and how good you feel, but not about how good people think you are or how good people think you look... Treat your career like a bad boyfriend. It likes it when you don't depend on it. It will chase you if you act like other things (passion, friendship, family, longevity) are more important to you."

AND ON CREATIVITY...

"Creativity is connected to your passion, that light inside you that drives you. That joy that comes when you do something you love. That is the juicy stuff that lubricates our lives and helps us feel less alone in the world. Your creativity is not a bad boyfriend. It is a really warm older Hispanic lady who has a beautiful laugh and loves to hug."

ON BEING YOUNG WITH AN OVERACTIVE IMAGINATION...

"Is there a word for when you are young and pretending to have lived and loves a thousand lives? Is there a German word for that? Seems like there should be. Let's say it's Schaufenfrieglasploit."

Images: Getty Images

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