‘Birra Spalmabile’ Lets You Spread Beer on Your Toast, And I Don’t Know How I Feel About That

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Generally I am a fan of beer-flavored things; the Starbucks Dark Barrel Latte, for example, actually sounded pretty tasty to me. But in case you missed it, there is now this thing called Birra Spalmabile — literally, “spreadable beer.” You heard me: Beer that you can spread on toast. And guys? I just don’t know how I feel about that. On the one hand, I appreciate that it exists… but on the other? Ew.

According to First We Feast, Birra Spalmabile is a collaboration between Italian brewery Alta Quota and the chocolate company Napoleone. Global News reports that the stuff has been around since 2012, but notes that this is the first time it’s been available for worldwide purchase, thanks to online retailer Firebox. Its product page on Firebox describes it as containing “40 percent beer” and with a “sticky yet smooth texture”; it doesn’t actually contain any alcohol, but it does possess “an irresistible hoppy scent.”

Its one review, written by a Londoner named Lisa in May 2014, is surprisingly positive — she bought a jar of it for her dad for Father’s Day, and he liked it so much that she ended up having to replenish his stock after he worked his way through the first jar. Apparently it’s meant to be paired with cheese or just spread on bread, although a video from Bloomberg describes a few other uses for it, including in a savory tart and as a filling for crepes:

Bloomberg on YouTube

But… I don’t know. I just don’t know. It kind of puts me in mind of Marmite and Vegemite, neither of which I’m particularly fond. First We Feast points out that both of those spreads are made from a by-product of the beer brewing process, which makes me suspect that I probably won’t like Birra Spalmabile too much, either. If it floats your metaphorical boat, though, it’s available for pre-order on Firebox right now; it’s expected to arrive on October 27, so brace yourselves.

Ah well. Stranger things have happened, I suppose. Remember these other questionable beer-inspired products?

1. Old Chub Stick

Colorado’s Oskar Blues Brewery sold a beer-flavored lip balm back in 2012. Even though it’s not available anymore, I’m pretty sure you could find something similar on Etsy.

2. Beer Perfume

Speaking of Etsy, this roll-on scent available from seller GeekyCandlesCo smells “yeasty [and] warm, with hints of vanilla.” Hmmm…

3. Draft Beer Jelly Belly

Jelly Belly has managed to convert just about every other flavor into a jelly bean variety, so the fact that there’s a beer-inspired one comes as absolutely no surprise.

4. Beer Soap

Leave it to Think Geek to supply beer-scented soap to the masses.

5. Beer Jelly

Potlicker Kitchen’s beer-infused jellies and jams appeal to me a little bit more than Birra Spamabile. I imagine them being sort of similar to champagne jams, which are delicious.

Image: Firebox