And today in ridiculous wedding things, we have this: The South Beach branch of the W Hotel is currently offering a “Million Dollar Wedding” package that basically takes care of every single wedding need you could possibly have. To be fair, it’s not the weirdest wedding service the W has offered; back in March, the hotel chain’s New York locations announced that they’d provide brides and grooms with a “social media wedding concierge” for the low, low price of $3,000. But this Million Dollar Wedding package is still pretty nutty-sounding, so let’s take a closer look at it, shall we?
I’m not sure whether it actually costs a million dollars — there’s no pricing on the website — or whether it’s just an attempt to shill the package as being worth a million dollars; either way, though, it’s equal parts terrifying and fascinating. The package covers pretty much all the bases before, during, and after the event itself; here’s a selection of the stuff you’ll get:
- Four-night stays and welcome-amenities (whatever that means) for the bride and the groom, each in their own suites
- A dedicated wedding planner
- Wedding hair, makeup, and spa services for the bride, groom, and a few family members
- A custom fit tuxedo and shoes for the groom
- A designer wedding dress and veil from Ever After Boutique for the bride
- Fancy-schmancy bridal lingerie
The Big Day:
- Full ceremony and reception décor, including all the flowers
- Dinner and wedding cake for up to 175 guests
- Live entertainment
- Three or more photographers to cover the event, plus a whole slew of wedding albums
- Personal butlers for the bride and groom. For reals.
- A night in the Penthouse Suite for the newlyweds (even if they don’t end up having sex in it)
- A six-night honeymoon in Bora Bora
As Salon’s Mary Elizabeth Williams notes, it sounds both like “a relative bargain” and “a huge gimmick.” She writes:
"Face it, if you’ve got millions to blow on tying the knot, you’re not going to go for some bundled package like this is frickin’ Leonard’s of Long Island. But by calling it the million dollar-wedding package, the W has created a clever means of gaining attention for itself as a location for bridal parties who might prefer to design their own special days, and for somewhat under seven figures.”
Spot on, no?
Of course, as soon as I started reading about the Million Dollar Wedding package, I started wondering what kind of person would find it appealing. Here are a few guesses on my part; got any to add?
Naturally. Most of the ridiculous things one finds in the wedding industry are geared towards the “ME, ME, ME!” people of the world.
2. Basic Bitches
Basic Bitches may not necessarily be bridezillas, but there’s a chance that they might be.
3. Kris Humphries-era Kim Kardashian
Kanye-era Kim Kardashian aims for things to be a littler classier, but circa Kris Humphries, she probably would have been all over that shit.
4. Rhett Butler
Because frankly, my dear, he doesn’t give a damn about what the table runners look like, so he’d really rather just let someone else take care of it for him.
5. These Pugs
Because you know there’s some ridiculous pet owner somewhere who would totally drop an insane amount of cash for his or her precious pookie’s wedding.
6. Anyone Who Wants Their Wedding Dress to Set a World Record
Obviously the wearer of the dress will probably have to shell out a little extra to alter the dress and/or veil such that the record is achieved… but they’d also probably consider it a small price to pay for their 15 minutes of fame.
7. Regina George
It doesn’t matter that it might not actually be a million dollar wedding. As long as it sounds expensive, it’s A-OK.
8. These Cats
Nothing but the best for Fluffy and Foo-Foo.
9. Anyone Who Is Afraid of This Happening
The W definitely wouldn’t let this happen on their watch.