File this one under “Dating Don’ts”: A 30-year-old woman was removed from a man’s chimney in Thousand Oaks, California on Sunday morning after having gotten stuck in it during an attempt to gain entry to his house. The woman, who has been identified as Genoveva Nunez-Figueroa, had met the owner of the house online; after going on several dates, however, he decided he just wasn’t feeling it and cut the whole thing off. Exactly how one goes from “I’m sad because he broke up with me” to “I suppose I’ll climb down his chimney now” is anyone’s guess, so… yeah. That happened.
According to KTLA, Nunez-Figueroa made it about eight feet down before she became lodged in the flue; the extraction began around 5 a.m., with firemen dismantling the top of the chimney brick by brick before lubricating the flue with dish soap. Nunez-Figueroa was removed at 8:22 a.m. and transported to Los Robles Hospital and Medical Center for evaluation. Curious about what it looked like? Good news; Captain Mike Lindbery of the Ventura County Fire Department is on it. He live-tweeted the whole thing, including the moment the woman was pulled out of the chimney. Here’s the money shot:
The dude whose house she tried to enter appears to be taking it remarkably well; he’s keeping his name out of the story (probably so don’t people referred to him as Joe Schmoe Whose Crazy Ex Got Stuck in His Chimney until the end of time), but he seemed pretty calm during his television appearance, if a little weirded out. “She seemed totally cool until the first flag,” he commented, with the flag being “her actually being on my roof two weeks ago.” That? Is deeply terrifying to me; the fact that this guy has managed to keep his cool while dealing with this whole situation deserves a round of applause. I do hope, though, that he called the cops after the first incident — and I hope that they listened to him. Because yikes.
There are a number of dating lessons we can take from this bizarre tale, so let’s take a look at some of them shall we? They apply both to people you meet online and people you meet IRL, so no matter who you are, pay attention:
DO: Vet Your Dates Before Bringing Them Home.
This isn’t a fail-safe, of course; as Dude Who Wishes to Remain Unnamed commented, Nunez-Figueroa seemed pretty OK for the first few dates. But hey, it can’t hurt to do a little digging before telling someone your home address.
DO: Break It Off If You’re Not Feeling It.
You’re under no obligation to keep seeing someone if it’s just not working for you, even if there’s no absolute “deal breaker” going on or whatever. By the same token…
DON’T: Go Nuts Trying to Figure Out Why Someone Broke Up With You.
If someone breaks up with you, they don’t need to justify it anymore beyond “I just don’t want to date you.” Period. You can’t make someone date you, and making someone feel like they “have” to keep dating you when they don’t want to is a recipe for a terrible, awful, no good, very bad relationship. Just accept it and start working on moving on.
DON’T: Assume Just Because Someone Brought You Home Once That You’ve Got an Open Invitation.
That’s rude regardless as to whether you’re dating the person in question or not.
DO: Pay Attention to Red Flags.
If you feel off about something, trust your gut. Your safety might depend on it.
DON’T: Climb Down People’s Chimneys.