Ah yes, Halloween. A night full of wonder, costumes, candy, and intrigue. Halloween always seems to start off with so much potential as we envision ourselves showing off our completely unique and convincing costumes, hitting up impossibly fun parties, and mingling around the ol’ pumpkin beer keg playing harmless yet hilarious Halloween pranks on each other that we will talk about for years to come. Unfortunately, nothing ever really seems to go as planned. Your night might be filled with all kinds of Halloween expectations, but the reality of the situation is that a lot can go wrong. I mean, how can it not? An excess of candy, crazy costume expectations, and carving pumpkins with sharp knives is a sure recipe for disaster, isn't it?
Sorry to be a downer, guys. It's not that Halloween can't be fun, it's just that you should be prepared for the worst — or at any rate, be prepared for what's most likely going to happen. Because for every king-sized candy bar you get on Halloween night, you’re bound to get about eight zillion more Tootsie Rolls, and let’s be serious, our costumes never really turn out the way we hoped.
So now that I've totally dampened your spooky spirit, let me say that Halloween is still one of the best holidays of the year. Even if you don't end up winning the town's costume contest, or getting any candy you actually like, there's really no reason to despair. You still get to run around dressed like whatever the hell you want and take tons of selfies. That makes up for just about everything.
After that emotional roller coaster of feelings (thanks for hanging in there), I'll leave you with one final thought that sums it all up: enjoy the night, but be prepared to have your expectations destroyed.
Expectation: You'll end up with a pillowcase full of candy that will last you until the end of the year.
Reality: After you eat your coveted full-size candy bar, you'll realize you're just left with a bunch of Tootsie Rolls and candy corn.
Expectation: You'll have the best costume at the party.
Reality: At least two other people will show up in the same, predictable outfit.
Expectation: You'll go the DIY costume route, and people will love your creativity and Halloween genius.
Reality: No one will understand what your costume is.
Expectation: You'll make time to watch all the classic Halloween movies of the past three decades.
Reality: You'll catch five minutes of Hocus Pocus, and that will have to suffice.
Expectation: You'll carve a cute/cool/funny/awesome pumpkin.
Reality: Halloween will pass, your pumpkin won't be carved, and it will have probably started to rot.
Expectation: You'll attend the best Halloween party ever, and have an amazing time bobbing for apples carved to look like shrunken heads in the punch bowl.
Expectation: You'll hand out candy to cute kids in costume, they will absolutely adore you, and you will feel like a much better person for being so perfect and friendly.
Reality: No one will show up at your apartment door, and you'll end up eating all the candy yourself, and whatever, that's OK too.
See, you knew most of this stuff already...
Images: Paramount Pictures; Giphy (14)