On Friday morning, the moment that every One Direction fan had been waiting for finally came. No, their upcoming album Four hasn't come out yet. Instead, One Direction released the "Steal My Girl" music video and it was all kinds of epic. It is literally the most epic thing in the world. It's like "Best Song Ever" but somehow better. It's everything. Sure, the lyrics to "Steal My Girl" might have been problematic, but the music video was amazing. The pleasant surprise still hasn't worn off. After all, I was so disappointed by the "You & I" music video that I was ready to give up on 1D music videos again. I'm glad to have been proven wrong.
However, watching the music video also leaves you with a lot of questions. No, seriously, a lot of questions. Actually, you're left with more questions than answers because the video made absolutely no sense. Following the boys behind-the-fake-scenes as they shoot their music video directed by Danny DeVito, it goes to places that... make no sense. I'm not complaining, because that's definitely part of the video's charm, but I just have so many questions about everything and they all need answering right about now.
1. Why is there a fluffball on that umbrella?
I realize that umbrella is a decorative one likely meant to guard against the sun rather than actually help if it rains, but why is there a fluffball on it? What does the fluffball do? WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF THE FLUFF?
2. Why is Harry dressed like that?
Between the pattern on the coat, the fact that it's a long coat, and the sunglasses, Harry Styles looks like a P.I.M.P. I'm not complaining or anything, but there's what everyone else showed up to the shoot wearing and then there's what Styles is wearing.
3. Why is Danny DeVito here?
No, really, why is DeVito here?
4. Why didn't his assistant get any lines?
I'm personally offended that she was brought all the way here to stand in the background under a strange umbrella and not say anything to anyone at all. Why didn't she get to talk?
5. How exactly does this symbolize inhibitions?
I'm still trying to figure out how the floating silver balls are meant to symbolize your inhibitions. Especially considering they then proceed to shatter the balls. Last time I checked, it's a colloquial phrase that it "takes balls" to do anything, so I feel like this is a mixed message here.
6. Why didn't we get five more minutes of just this?
Those tribesmen were the best dancers in the entire music video and no one is going to tell me any different. Can we just get five added minutes of just them dancing? Niall Horan can, of course, come too, but they should take center stage.
7. Or this?
I don't know what that was, but it was adorable and I want more of it.
8. Why is there a giant hand in the background?
CAN SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN THE GIANT HAND IN THE BACKGROUND?
9. Do you realize how hard it is to hula hoop in the rain?
I don't believe this is a thing. You can't hula hoop in the rain unless you're, like, gifted with talents from on high or something. I refuse to believe hula hooping in the rain is a thing after how many times I have tried and failed.
10. Why is there a mime?
Who brought the mime? How does the mime fit into everyone else's storyline? Why is there a mime?
11. Why did Zayn throw paint at a Sumo wrestler?
I don't even.
12. Why doesn't Zayn stand in the rain in every video?
This is a serious point of confusion for me. Look at him. Why doesn't every music video that One Direction has ever done feature Zayn Malik standing in the rain? His name even rhymes with rain. Make it happen.
13. Why are there flamingos here?
I know they're native to Africa too, but, like, would flamingos ever willingly stand that close to a lion? Answer me seriously. Look at the short distance between those flamingos and that lion. This scene makes no sense.
14. Is this a deleted scene from Black Swan?
What I took from this entire sequence is that Styles will be starring in Black Swan 2: Back in Style. Because, otherwise, I don't understand what he and ballerinas have to do with one another.
Check out the video below.