'Big Brother' Finally Sends Its Evil Queen to the Guillotine

Welcome to the 500th episode of Big Brother! Tonight we're in for a double eviction. Amanda shares the block with ... does it really matter? Spencer happens to be nominated, but she could be up against Voldemort and it wouldn't make much difference. Then again, as Chenbot puts it, "Could a surprising change of heart change everything?" (No. No, it could not.)

A surprising McCranda ally emerges in Elissa—after all, Amanda now has the bigger-target-than-me appeal that kept Aaryn on life support for weeks. In a rare moment of self-awareness, even Amanda seems to recognize how improbable Reilly's support is: "I have tortured her a lot lately. A lot."

"You guys have all become family to me," Amanda gushes in her eviction speech, and I'm terrified to think of what Thanksgiving dinner at the Zuckerman house must be like. But family shmamily—Amanda's former 3AM-mate Andy remains loyal to the Exterminators and sides with Spencer. HoH GinaMarie settles the resulting tie: Amanda's out. She and McCrae dramatically embrace. It's like watching Lady Macbeth with, well, maybe not Macbeth, but one of the Macbeth castle servant boys?

In other news, is it weird that I just realized my (non-sexual) fantasy is to abandon my totally distraught significant other in the Big Brother house and then spy on him being totally distraught via the live feed? Oh, it is weird? Okay, then never mind, I was just kidding.

In the Head of Household competition, Go Fetch (stop trying to make fetch happen, Julie), the contestants must dig for bones and bring them back to their "dog bowls." There are also doghouses, for some reason. McCrae wins, probably thanks to all the lovesick adrenaline coursing through his veins. He nominates GinaMarie and Elissa.

With the characteristic whiplash speed of a double-elimination episode, it's already time for the Power of Veto competition. Basically, houseguests race to navigate mini-cars through a maze. It's not exactly thrilling stuff. But what is thrilling is who wins: Judd! Bear shirts for everyone, forever.

GinaMarie and Elissa make their pleas for Judd's clemency, but he decides not to use the veto at all. It's only now that I realize that the only ladies left in the house are both up for elimination. Damn.

Elissa is unanimously evicted (exterminated?). She leaves without offering a hug, kiss or any well-wishes to the remaining houseguests, though she does present Chenbot with a bizarre theory: What if it was McCrae who voted against Amanda? (?!?!?!?!) Ooooookay, lady.

Image via Digital Spy