At This Point, Anyone Could Play Steve Jobs

Another day, another rumor about the Sony Pictures Steve Jobs biopic. On Monday, Christian Bale dropped out of the production because he felt morally conflicted about playing Jobs (either because he didn't think he could do the late Apple genius justice, or perhaps because Jobs was too mad scientist for Bale). And not 24 hours later, apparently, Sony is "in talks" with Michael Fassbender to potentially step into the role of Jobs. All this rumor swirling makes me think that "in talks with" is an industry term for "just making stuff up to stay relevant."

Christian Bale probably would have been all right in the role — he's got the same face shape as Jobs, and he's taken on some very dark, intense characters in the past (after all, he IS the Batman). Michael Fassbender seems like a Hail Mary to me, though (I just recently learned what Hail Mary meant and I am excited to use it as a metaphor). Call me a skeptic, but I don't think Fass will be the lead in the biopic, if it ever ends up actually coming to fruition, which remains to be seen. So far confirmed is only Seth Rogen to play co-founder and Kathy Griffin ex-beau Steve Wozniak, which is a choice that actually makes sense. So, that's one point to Sony.

The list of dudes that have passed on the role already now includes Christian Bale and Leonardo Dicaprio, and honestly, Fass will probably number among them soon. His turn as David in Prometheus was a little TOO alien to move on from to Jobs. At this point it looks like they are asking just about anybody.

Who will they option next? Why not Matthew McConaughey, who is having a banner year and already accustomed to uttering incomprehensible aphorisms (usually in a Lincoln)? One of my good friends is horrible at recognizing actors' faces and thinks that every actor is Channing Tatum, so I am hereby also nominating Channing Tatum for a chance at the spot. Sony could also sit down for some "talks" with Benedict Cumberbatch; sure, he's a million feet tall and British and looks nothing like Jobs, but he looks nothing like Smaug either, and that's him, too. Perhaps this is all one really long viral marketing campaign for the iPhone 7.

Image: Getty