Through another weighty barrage of record releases, single releases and extensive remix albums, the video for Taylor Swift's "Blank Space" was released today. It has all the elements of the Swift Princess Fantasy — gorgeous dresses, a gorgeous man, a gorgeous castle, gorgeous awkward slow motion dancing — with one significant twist: she's violent and absolutely bonkers. Despite this subversion, it did not leave out, thank God, any of Swift's tried and true hand flutters.
What is a hand flutter, you may ask? A hand flutter is any one of the elongated gestures that Swift pulls out on a daily basis. That is, while Jennifer Lawrence would be nowhere without the talent of her mouth, Swift would be but a mere empty shell in red lipstick without her half graceful, half awkward arm gesticulations. The favorite and most common hand flutter, of course, is her hand-to-heart, "Aw shucks, I'm so surprised, I can't believe this is happening, life is a fairytale" move. Through the years the Aw-Shucks flutter alone has evolved into different interpretations, but it's really just the tip of the iceberg, one in a long line of hand flutters.
Here's a helpful list of common Swift hand flutters, and how to decode their meanings. Remember, it's Swift's world, we're just living in it.
1. One Hand Flutter to Rule Them All
The boldest and most confident of all of Swift's hand flutters, this majestic gesture establishes power and dominance in a male-centric world. You forget, if only for a minute, that she looks like she's straight up galloping.
2. IDGAF Hand Flutter
This hand flutter is characterized with millennial apathy. Swift does not care whether those glasses make her look geeky or not (they don't) nor if that cake will make her fat (she's legitimately 12 pounds). She's going to live life her way.
3. Move Along Hand Flutter
The hand flutter is over you, and all your lies, and all your games, and it never really loved you anyway.
4. Ferocious Hand Flutters
Maybe she went as a sexy cat for Halloween at Penn State. Maybe she's just feeling sassy tonight. Me-ow!
5. Amplified Hand Flutters for the Ellen Show
Let's face it, given Ellen DeGeneres' high-energy persona and her penchant for pranking guests, you kind of have to dial it up for the show. Especially when being approached by giant earwigs
6. Sooooo Ironic Hand Flutters
I mean, not really so much fluttering per se, but a gesture all the same. The hand flutter is sooooo rock and roll, but in a hipster-y way where they also listen to Poison ironically. Side note, what the hell kind of floor show is going on behind her? There's a full-on 2005 Gwen Stefani nightmare happening.
7. Hand Flutters for Justin Timberlake
This is the hand flutter equivalent of hyperventilating, which, to be fair, we would all do if we came face-to-face with any member of 'N Sync to this day. Okay, maybe not JC Chasez.
8. Hand Flutters So Stilted and Scary They Belong on Twin Peaks
I get that she's supposed to be jamming out here, but I feel like there's some frightening deeper meaning. Consequently, you could inject this randomly into any David Lynch film and no one would bat an eyelash.
9. Hand Flutters of Post-Break Up Sarcasm
Oh man, this hand flutter is so much better off without you, but also may occasionally cry itself to sleep at night thinking about how you both mishandled your relationship.
10. Vintage Hand Flutters
The hand flutter is still young and doesn't have the answers yet, you know?
11. Lethargic Hand Flutters
This hand flutter saw your mean tweet and got kind of bummed out, but it's going to make a trip to Chipotle and try to turn the day around.
12. "Shake It Off" Hand Flutters
This hand flutter saw your mean tweet and decided to write a song about it, and then made sure that song would play at every bar, party, or Barnes and Noble in your immediate area.
13. Slightly Dead Inside Hand Flutter
The hand flutter is strong enough to make jokes about being single, but is also secretly anxious about the fact that they've gone without a boyfriend for 48 hours.
14. Hand Flutter Making a Guest Appearance in New Girl
This is the tried and true, hand-to-my-heart hand flutter, and thank god it got a cameo in the second season finale of New Girl.
Images: Giphy.com (14), TaylorSwiftVevo/YouTube