There's something achingly profound about the Kardashians posing with ridiculous cakes all the time. It's a "Let them eat cake" Marie Antoinette dream in which these people live so decadently that all they can see are gaudy, decadent cakes. Or it could just be that these people are insane, and that insanity manifests itself though the obscene number of humungous, lavishly decorated cakes they seem to always be posing with. Never eating, but always near.
When I was a kid, I once got a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cake in the shape of Michelangelo for my birthday. It was about the length of an adult head, and the face was sort of smudged into itself making it look like some kind of green and orange demon. I literally thought it was the best thing I'd ever got in my whole life. The Kardashians, clearly, have higher cake expectations, and my favorite thing about their ridiculous cake predilection is that it often comes with giant flares bursting out of their desserts. Like some kind of SOS screaming "LOOK! RICH PEOPLE DOING DUMB NONSENSE, RIGHT OVER HERE!" But I guess we're the ones watching and I'm the one writing this post, so we're not entirely blameless in the Kardashian cake parade. Here are a bunch of ridiculous cakes the Kardashians have posed with.
1. THIS RIDICULOUS MCDONALD'S BIG MAC CAKE
2. A BARELY RECOGNIZABLE KIM WITH A LEOPARD PRINT BIRTHDAY CAKE
3. KHLOE LOLING AT HER GIANT BIRTHDAY CAKE THAT LOOKS LIKE A STACK OF HER FAVORITE THINGS, PRESENTS
4. ANOTHER BIRTHDAY CAKE AT TAO BECAUSE THESE ARE A FEW OF THE KARDASHIANS FAVORITE THINGS
5. KIM EITHER SHARING OR TAKING OVER CIARA'S CAKE
6. THEY START KARDASHIANS EARLY ON THE RIDICULOUS CAKES
7. POOR KOURTNEY (WITH A RIDICULOUSLY SMALL CAKE)
8. SOME KIND OF STRANGE SPRING BREAK CAKE?
9. ALL THREE SISTERS CAN TELL THIS CAKE AND THE FIRE COMING OF IT ARE STUPID BUT NONE ARE WILLING TO ADMIT IT
10. HERE'S KHLOE WITH A RIDICULOUS CUP CAKE BUSH
11. MORE FIRE, THIS TIME EJACULATING FROM KIM'S FORTUNE COOKIE CAKE DEGUSTATION
12. WHEN ONE CAKE JUST ISN'T ENOUGH...
13. SCOTT'S "I AM A TIE-WEARING 30-YEAR-OLD KING" CAKE, AS HELD BY BORED SERVANT
14. YOU CAN DANCE, YOU CAN DANCE, EVERYBODY LOOK AT YOUR CAKE
15. HERE'S THE CAKE FROM WHEN ROB WAS PRETENDING TO BE A BASKETBALLER
16. KHLOE IS THE TALLEST AND ALSO STRONGEST KARDASHIAN, HOLDING UP THIS GIANT CAKE ALL ON HER OWN
17. WHAT YOU CAN'T SEE IN THIS PICTURE IS THAT KIM AND HER KIM CAKE ARE IN A SUBURBAN MALL
18. KIMYE'S RIDICULOUS ENGAGEMENT CAKE
19. KIM'S BIRTHDAY CAKE SPONSORED BY T-MOBILE BECAUSE WHY WOULDN'T IT BE?
20. SCOTT DISICK, EVERYONE'S FAVORITE KARDASHIAN, ACTS IRRESPONSIBLY WITH A RIDICULOUS CAKE
21. MRS. WEST'S BIRTHDAY CAKE LOOKS LIKE A DILDO (WAS GOING TO WRITE SOMETHING MORE SUBTLE BUT THE KARDASHIANS AREN'T SO I THOUGHT I'D GO WITH THE MOOD)
22. WHY DON'T THE KARDASHIANS JUST PUT THEIR CAKES ON TABLES LIKE NORMAL PEOPLE?
23. I THINK SCOTT AND KOURTNEY ARE IN ON THE RIDICULOUS CAKE JOKE
24. THE KARDASHIANS LOVE PUTTING THEIR PHOTO ON THEIR CAKES
25. THIS IS THE BEST ONE
26. THIS ONE IS SERVED BY "SLUTTY MAIDS" AND I REALLY HOPE THE KARDASHIANS KNOW WHAT THEY'RE DOING
27. KIM FEIGNS EXCITEMENT OVER CIARA'S RIDICULOUS CAKE BUT OBVIOUSLY COULDN'T GIVE LESS OF A SHIT BECAUSE IT'S NOT HER CAKE
28. DOES ANYONE ELSE MISS KRIS HUMPHRIES' "OMG WHAT THE HELL HAVE I DONE?" FACE IN EVERY PHOTO WITH A KARDASHIAN?
Images: Getty Images; Kim Kardashian/Instagram