Can You Guess The Fictional Real Estate Listing?

by Maddie Rodriguez

Dearest reader, It is with great pleasure that Totally Imaginary Real Estate magazine announces this exciting (totally imaginary) event — the Western canon is having a real estate sale! All the settings of your favorite novels are now yours for the buying! This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to own a piece of classic literature. Below you will find a number of listings for exquisite literary homes, from gorgeous English estates to sprawling American mansions to fantasy tiny homes to rural Canadian farmhouses. If you are, for some reason, unable or unwilling to take advantage of this opportunity to buy, buy, buy, we will also feature single rental listing at the bottom of this page. We are certain it will meet all your meager needs. It is considered a cliché to refer to a story’s setting as “like another character,” but surely you’ll agree that the houses listed below are more than just homes, and therefore well worth the asking prices (please inquire within).Although this publication is prohibited from explicitly providing the names of these houses’ current owners or occupants, our listings include several hints and clues, and all readers are encouraged to use the deductive powers and tools at their disposal to make their own guesses. Now, to the listings!


Secluded, picturesque manor with history – dream of it every night

For sale: Alluring seaside estate once home to the most beloved and beautiful socialite in Cornish history. Current owners are the tragically-deceased socialite’s husband and some other woman. Property grounds feature lush, atmospheric gardens. Manor itself will require restoration due to recent fire; all renovations recently made to the east wing were destroyed in the blaze, but fortunately, original artwork and fixtures in the perfect west wing remain untouched. Buy now and knowledgeable, experienced housekeeper will be on hand to quickly help you learn your place!

Join the rural “tiny house” movement today!

For sale: Return at the end of your journey to trendy “tiny house” with full garden in a close-knit farming community. Simple, cozy, yet large enough to entertain a party up to 13 dwarves and one wizard. Home has long legacy of ownership in a family of adventurers and jewellery collectors. Unique features include: round windows with fantastic views of the countryside and a full kitchen well-suited to cooking six square meals a day. Current owner gone West; please address all inquiries to realtor.

Handsome, modern luxury estate in Kentish countryside

For sale: Ascend to highest plane of taste and grandeur with this elegant, upscale country manor, currently home to the most esteemed and magnanimous Lady in all of England. Recent upgrades include new fireplace with glazing worth more than 500 pounds. Property just a quick carriage ride away from village rectory and friendly neighbor with extensive knowledge of local and property history he is only too willing to share with you. Call now and you will have the honor of current owner condescending to meet you!

Palatial Long Island home for SALE

For sale: Live YOUR American Dream TODAY in this opulent bayside millionaire’s mansion, located in up-and-coming West Egg neighborhood. Love large parties? This is the perfect space to host hundreds of your closest friends and your long-lost love. Highlights include: plenty of closet space for all your shirts, unique green theme lighting on exterior of property, and luxury swimming pool you’ll never want to leave! Opportunity won’t last, so act now!

Bright, colorful farmhouse in rural Canadian town

For sale: Imagine yourself reading Tennyson and sipping raspberry cordial with your bosom friend in this RADIANTLY lovely rustic orchard home! Must-see attractions such as the White Way of Delight and the Lake of Shining Waters are only a short buggy ride away! Within walking distance of the local school, this home is perfect space for a family to grow.


Cosy, ground-floor studio apartment in Surrey; room for storage

For rent: Why rent a gloomy basement flat when you can feel like one of the family? Modern, executive home with top-of-the-line furnishings in village of Little Whinging has main-level studio to let. Flat is snug and intimate, but with room to store your belongings, it’s all you’ll need. Home owners are respectable, normal middle-class couple with sweet, gifted child. Serious inquiries only. First and last month’s rent is required upfront, and deposit is non-refundable. No funny business, no weirdos.

Recognize these houses? From top to bottom: Manderley, Rebecca; Bag End, The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings trilogy; Rosings Park, Pride and Prejudice; Gatsby's mansion, The Great Gatsby; Green Gables, Anne of Green Gables; and the Cupboard Under the Stairs, the Harry Potter series.

Images: Selznick International; Lionsgate; BBC/A&E; Warner Brothers (2); Sullivan Entertainment