Is it just me, or is the Internet as an entity kinda flimsy, what with it getting broken every week by Blake Lively's pregnancy photos, or Anaconda, or pictures of Blue Ivy. The latest attempt to break the Internet comes courtesy of the Kim Kardashian's Paper Magazine cover for December, which features Mrs. West mooning all of America whilst glazed like a Christmas ham. She turns to the camera, smiling coyly, as if saying in Cheeseburger language "I'm on yer news feedz, breakin yer Internetz."
Hardly the first attempt made by Kardashian to bust up the world wide web, this latest NSFW photo shoot is just one act in a grand body of Internet-breaking work. From photo shoots, so face-palmy tweets, to outfits styled deliberately to clog up Instagram, Kim finds regular amusement in doing to the Internet what Taylor Swift did to her fictional boyfriend's Porsche in "Blank Space." That is, taking a golf club to it and denting it beyond all recognition. Ever the master of media exploitation, Kim has a sophisticated understanding of just exactly how to do this: gossip-worthy pictures, North West, and BUTTS.
While the rest of us have hobbies like basket-weaving or playing an instrument, Kim's hobby is slowing down the universal digital infrastructure. It's just who she is. Let's take a look back at nine other times Kim sent the Interwebs into an uproar.
When Her W Magazine photo shoot was released
When Kim covered the 2010 art issue of W clad only in a series of censor bars, people lost their proverbial minds. After all, she was a bit of a surprising choice for this edition, because she isn't an artist in the traditional sense. When it comes to self-promotion though, she's a classically-trained master.
When her even crazier Wedding-themed Vogue cover was released
Most betrothed couples have their engagement photos taken in a corny old field or a forest, but Kimye had their glossy engagement pics taken in a luxury hotel room in the March 2014 issue of Vogue . People speculated that this move brought Vogue down a notch, but the shoot served to solidify Kardashian's status as queen of the high/low clash.
When she debuted Kim Kardashian: Hollywood
As you must very well know, Kim released her iPhone game in June of this year which was reportedly earning the reality star $700,000 a day by July. In addition to sweeping the world like a global pandemic, the game united us all against a common enemy: the villainous minx that is Willow Pape.
When she made a cameo in Kanye's "Bound 2" Video
When art imitated life on a motorcycle.
When she released pictures of North West
In August 2013, Kim shared the first pictures of baby North on Kris Jenner's show. Naturally, this sent citizens the world over-a-googling, cause everyone loves a good celebrity baby picture.
When she almost had a pop career... kinda
RIP Kim Kardashian's first and only pop single: "Jam." Never forget.
When she got married
The wedding of the year, nay, the cementing of the relationship between patron selfie-love couple Kanye West and Kim Kardashian was trending for days. This provided water cooler conversation fodder for months, as well as ample material for radio shock-jocks to lampoon with butt jokes and speculations on how long the marriage would last.
When she bleached her eyebrows
MUST SEE BRUNETTE WITH ALBINO FACIAL HAIR!! GOOGLE GOOGLE GOOGLE!!
When she predicted her own fame in this video from when she was 14 years old
Her eerie accuracy gives me the chills. *Shiver.*
Image: Paper Magazine; Kim Kardashian: Hollywood/Glu Games Inc.