It is easy to hate the winter. No one likes being uncomfortable; No one likes stomping around in boots that make them feel like a drunk duck. But I'd argue that hating on the chilliest months of the year is the easy and thereby less interesting choice. Let's embrace winter, in all it's skin-drying glory! Let's buy brightly-colored puffy coats and scarves and gloves and hats that we will lose within days of purchasing them and let's do it with a degree of glee that verges on aplomb! Let's twirl around and around while standing in place during a snowstorm, because winter is here and we are all still alive!
Summer is all about having a "bikini body" (*eyeroll*), but glorious winter is all about packing your body away for months on end, and that, my friends, is the greatest. Get pale and pasty! Stop shaving your legs, underarms, and private lady garden—you need the hair that nature's gifted you with to maintain warmth! Bid expensive pedicures farewell, and stock up on all the red wine you can carry! You'll need it to banish the chill from your bones! Truth be told, it doesn't take much to make a person realize that winter is actually pretty much the greatest. Here are 9 reasons why the cold months are kind of the greatest so you need to quit your complaining already.
1. It's Not Hot
You know what's worse than a really hot day? NOTHING. In the summer months, you can strip naked and still get a vicious case of swamp-ass. In the winter, should you get cold, you just slap on another layer and call it day.
2. Puffy Coats
GOOD BYE PILATES AND LONG RUNS TO MAKE OURSELVES LOOK TONED AND HOT! HELLO PILATES AND LONG RUNS SOLELY FOR THE PURPOSE OF STAVING OFF DEPRESSION! In the winter, we're all wearing puffy coats. This means we get to puff with them and no one will be any the wiser.
3. Ice Skating
Sure, you could go roller skating when it's not winter, but then you've got to travel back in time to the late '80s when everything smelled like feet and you had no one to share a couple's skate with. So, you can do that, or you can relish some ice skating here in the modern age with all us other chilled out bad-asses. Because you know what's cooler than being cool? ICE COLD.
4. Sled Dogs
You know what is of no practical use in the summer? Dogs who can drag your ass hither and yon and look adorable doing it. I REST MY CASE FOR COLD WEATHER. Someone teach my dog not to be a dick and fetch me a sled.
5. Snuggly Cats
Cats are notoriously standoffish. They are never more so than when it is hot outside. Just try to get a little kitty-squeeze in then. It ain't gonna happen. But when the temperatures drop, so do their moody dispositions. The colder the weather, the better the feline snuggle.
6. Hot Chocolate
Try ordering hot chocolate at any other time of the year and you are bound to incur a couple of "whaaaaaat" expressions from folks if you are over the age of twelve. But in the winter months, it's not just normal, it's expected! Hot chocolate drinkers are catered to! There's a new flavor everywhere you look and that's awesome.
7. Warm Cookies
During the non-chilly months of the year, it is perfectly acceptable to eat a cold or room temperature cookie. This is not so during winter. If you give me a cold cookie during the winter months, I might destroy you with my laser-sharp "you son of a bitch" eyes. Winter was made for warm cookies and I defy anyone out there to disagree with me.
8. Snow Men
Does the "hot sun" produce pretty white stuff that we can shape into piles? No, it does not. Unless we're talking about the flakes of dead skin that gather when I get a sunburn, which you're a fool if you don't enjoy peeling off and making into little piles.
9. Flirting With Hot Babes
Something about the cold instills a great confidence in my inner player. I might be coy when it's warm, but I make my intentions clear when it's cold: HOLD ME TO YOUR WARM BODY A LA VAL KILMER AND ELISABETH SHUE IN THE SAINT!
Images: Fotolia; Sagisen/Flickr; Giphy(9)