It's an argument that launched a thousand ships — that is, a thousand varying opinions. Which is the best Mary-Kate and Ashley movie? Now I know what you're thinking, "How can I even begin to choose?!" And it's a valid concern. With such classic offerings as Billboard Dad, Passport to Paris and the Kristie Alley-led It Takes Two, it's near impossible to decide. But if you really take your time to luxuriate in all the options, the answer emerges entirely clear: Holiday in the Sun.
For the uninitiated — who, let's be honest, is none of you if you are taking the time to read this page — Holiday in the Sun follows Madison and Alex Stewart, who are whisked away by their excessively wealthy father for a family vacation at Atlantis resort in the Bahamas. That's basically all you need to know to enjoy the film. Yes, there are three love interests (hand curated by the twins themselves), one silver-spoon goodie-two-shoes (played flawlessly by a young Megan Fox), and a mystery surrounding priceless stolen antiquities. You know, the usual.
So while I've already offered up an abundance of reasons to love the film, here are 55 more reasons why G-rated Holiday in the Sun is the best Mary-Kate and Ashley movie, hands down.
The dream sequences
I, too, want to be surrounded by a gaggle of preteens with frosted tips.
The Bueller-esque quality of the classroom scene
Who has time for photosynthesis analysis, really? There are beaches to lie on.
You totally related when Madison & Alex Get Called Into the principal's office
...and everyone "oooo"-ed.
Their private plane
An accessory every 15-year-old girl needs.
When Their Dad Surprises Them with a trip to the Bahamas and they are pissed
You wished you could be that nonchalant about epic vacations.
The best usage of Weezer's "Island in the Sun" ever
The slow-motion sequences of shirtless teen males running on the beach
The girl group singing in the "club"
Who looked like they were extras on Zenon: Girl of the 21st Century.
Megan Fox being the original mean girl
And saying things like: "I'm so tired of these lavish winter parties... and enjoying the good graces of my affluent father."
I repeat: MEGAN FOX!
It features artsy angles and angsty black and white shots
It features the best line in all of cinema:
"So Brianna, it just wouldn't be winter vay-cay if you didn't hook up with the cutest boy on the beach, who's it gonna be?"
Location, Location, Location
Their perfect and flawless lipgloss
The hair accessories
like oversized headbands.
Their super cliche but romantic dates
Like horseback riding.
When they're all "Cultural appropriation? What's that?!"
An epic shopping montage
The scooter scene
Not just for European cobblestone streets!
Seriously, there isn't a single person (including the guys) who aren't wearing a crop top at some point in this film.
The fact that the entire movie is a giant advertisement for Atlantis
As if there was anywhere else you'd want to spend winter vay-cay.
Champlain — the resident hotel villain
The Parents Trying to Be Cool
But inevitably being parents
The Super Annoying Little Sister
The Epic Slide
Lines like this: "Did anyone ever tell you, that I am going to kiss you?"
No, but that would be really creepy if they did.
How MK&A got to hand select the actors who would play their love interests
"You're hot, come be in my movie" — is how I imagine the casting process took place.
The Water sports
The Girl Power Anthem-y Soundtrack
Using Walkie Talkies as a legitimate means of communication
Griffin Being the Worst Wingman in the World
But Also Sort of the Best
Swimming with Dolphins
The fact that Chad's role is described on IMDB as "simpleton beach hunk Chad"
It's G rating
Though the excess of bikinis and flirtation made you feel like you were watching a teenage PG-13 flick.
The coolest Date in the world
That quickly turned into the absolute worst
But somehow Jordan made cutting up dead fish seem sexy.
The "Having Your Cake" Argument
And the "Making Your Bed" Argument
The Judy Bloom references
The Chad will never understand.
Teenage Love Triangles
The cutesy pool water fight
(Please note the boys' faces).
The fact that two teenage girls get embezzled in an antiquity scandal
It could happen to you!
It's 87 minute run time
I mean truly, take note David Fincher.
The Fact that Mary Kate got *TWO* love interests in one film
Jordan's white wife beaters
And that greasy hair.
When Jordan sings a song dedicated to Alex
But still has to spray down Brianna at the pool because her father practically employs him
Such a bummer.
The black and white cutaways of locals
That were both confusing and added nothing to the artistic merit of the film.
The underwater scenes
Their matching blonde streaks
Their matching outfits
And the underlying message of the importance sisterhood
And snagging a really hot guy for Winter vay-cay
Images: Dualstar Entertainment Group; YouTube; Tumblr