Zoe Saldana Married Some Guy in Secret Three Months Ago

OK, girl-loving guys and girls: It's time to give up the dream. Zoe Saldana is probably never going to love you. The Star Trek actress is now a married woman, and has been for a while now: Saldana tied the knot in a private wedding way back in June.

So who's the guy? That'd be Italian artist Marco Perego, who looks like this, so you never really had a chance anyway, did you?

The couple — both 34 — got hitched in a very small, undoubtedly gorgeous ceremony, attended by only a few close friends and family. Saldana, who's appeared in such films as Avatar, Colombiana, and the seminal classic Crossroads, also wins this month's award for most successfully private celebrity. Sorry, ScarJo.

We all did eventually find out about the nuptials, but you can bet the couple snuck in some nice private time in the gap between the wedding and the press storm.

So what do you think: Are Marco Perego and Scarlett Johansson's fiancé getting coffee right now, bonding over being with two of the most beautiful and talented women in Hollywood? Or is it more likely they're both just hiding away in their no-doubt fabulous apartments, dodging the paparazzi?