Guys, reality stars have to go through a lot: anger, tears, tantrums, pretending to be good at singing, plastic surgery, breakups, confessionals, wine-throwing. Don't they deserve an award too?
Shows like Keeping up with the Kardashians have brought us beautiful moments like Kim going to get her butt X-Rayed, or Kim and Kourtney feeding their family human placenta. We're clearly past the point where we can pretend this stuff is unscripted. So why not give them a little credit, already? How many times will a reality star have to shed a tear in the confessional booth about drama or the incessant paparazzi (not those guys with the camera, the other guys with cameras) before they get some recognition? How many times?!?
We need to stand up against this injustice and demand that these reality stars be heard. That's right, Emmys, I'm calling you out. Don't know who to nominate? Well, lucky for you bozos, I have a prepared list:
Outstanding Actress in a Reality Series
Kim Kardashian, Keeping up with the Kardashians — In Keeping up with the Kardashians, Kim has a moving performance as a sex robot that has gained sentient thought, but struggles to express human emotions. Yes, Kim Kardashian may be the least likable character on the show, but Kim's portrayal of a thinking robot who has to struggle on a daily basis with concepts like "jokes" and "love" is spot on.
Tyra Banks, America's Next Top Model — Tyra Banks gives a heartwarming performance as a woman who has found the love of her life: herself. It's hard to believe that Tyra manages to insert pictures of herself or examples of her work into each model challenge, but Banks is fearless in showing that kind of devotion in her performance.
Desiree Hartsock, The Bachelorette — Desiree Hartsock was given the most difficult role in all nine seasons of The Bachelorette. Due to a last minute casting change, Hartstock had to single-handedly pull off falling in love with an entirely different person in the span of an episode. This achievement alone earns Hartsock a place alongside any Emmy nominee.
Outstanding Actor in a Reality Series
Bruce Jenner, Keeping up with the Kardashians — Bruce Jenner has worked through the disability of having only two facial expressions (eyebrows up, eyebrows down) to bring to television one of the greatest TV dad portrayals in this decade. Jenner has introduced classic dad tropes back to television, as seen in performances like "my daughters can't be dating" and "I need a break from all these women." Truly, a vintage delight of a performance.
Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino, Jersey Shore — Mike Sorrentino plays one of the defining anti-heroes of our time as "The Situation," a man who has time traveled from 2003 and has trouble coping with his new surroundings. To watch Sorrentino as "The Situation" repress his emotions on a daily basis is simply heartbreaking.
Donald Trump, The Apprentice — Donald Trump's performance in The Apprentice is the definition of loss and what it truly means to grieve. On the show, Trump makes us privy to his inner struggle with the loss of his hair, which translates into him lashing out with uninformed bravado. An exquisite example of true pain.