Coping with J.K. Rowling's 'Fantastic Beasts' & Yes I Mean Your 'Harry Potter'-Obsessed Friends
Accio serenity! That's a spell for all you non-nerds out there. Something, perhaps, you should use should you find yourself surrounded by geeks of the Harry Potter persuasion at any point today. Because as most of the Internet has heard by this point — J.K. Rowling has announced her first foray into screenwriting for a Happy Potter universe-based film based on her companion book Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them. Needless to say, chuffed doesn't even begin to describe what we're feeling. We're giddy like Neville Longbottom on the first day of Advanced Herbology.
Listen, as an avid Potter fan myself, I understand the hyperventilated levels of excitement fans of the J.K. Rowling series are about the prospect of another wizarding world film. They're just.so.good. Human stories told through the lens of magic as an allegory for all the power we hold within us. Who doesn't love that? Who doesn't want to feel like they've got some (to re-appropriate a line from comedian Mike Birbiglia) secret special skill that makes them more than the sum of their own parts, and therefore different (in a good way) from everyone else? We come from a generation of parents so hyper-focused on their children that we were all Baby Einstein'ed into thinking we were totally unique snowflakes from the magical land of SpecialPeopolia.
But the thing is, is that largely, we're not all that special, nor do we have secret skills (like the ability to perform magic) that set us apart. Sometimes, though, when you're dealing with the highly magical yet super-emotionally-relatable world that Rowling created, it's hard to separate the forest from the trees. We're just so excited! We're so scared! It's like Jesse Spano on caffeine pills up in this bitch.
Which is where you come in, rational friend who doesn't much care for Harry Potter but is a nice enough human to be friends with people who do. Because, you see: it's you with the secret special skill! You are the only ones who can save your friends, with your rational thought combined with friendship and understanding. So when you come into contact with a friend, mouth-foaming at the news of more witchcraft and wizardry, try these simple tricks to get them to chill the fuck out, already.
You have the stabilizing force of real life behind you rather than real life and a doorway (a doorway that leads to an alternative universe where possibilities are truly endless), dear friends,
1.) Be happy for them, but keep it at that
If you indulge too much into their fantasy and excitement, the K-hole of Harry Potter nuttery won't subside and eventually peter out, but in fact continue to mount with ever-crazier, even-more-obsessive hypotheticals and dream scenarios.
2.) Utilize your strengths
Unlike any of your HP-minded friends, you have probably never wanted to run through a platform wall in Kings' Cross station in London, which means you have the ability to discern between reality and this fake magical universe. If you're a funny person, make jokes to highlight the absurdity. If you're a serious person, casually mention something in real life that is just as cool as a hidden train wedged between platforms 8 and 9. The power is within you.
3.) Remind them that Harry Potter and Co. will NOT be in this new franchise
He wasn't even born yet, nerds! Chill out.
4.) Suggest real world adventures that have absolutely nothing to do with Harry Potter
You know what's magical? Tacos for dinner. Let's go eat tacos and talk about pico de gallo and how magically delicious it is when coupled with sour cream and cheese.
5.) Remind them how much more fun it'll be to be excited about this movie when it's, you know, actually a movie
Nothing's come out yet, all there's been is an announcement, which means we've easily got at least 2 years (if not way, way more) until this thing comes out. Save the excitement for later when it'll be that much more special (and also appropriate).
6.) When all else fails, the hypothetical potential truth remains
This could all be terrible. I mean, it's true! There's always that chance. Just know that this approach may mean you'll have to coddle your newly-broken friend, dreamcrusher.