18 'Gossip Girl' Thanksgiving Dramas That Make Your Family Squabbles Seem Like Gravy
Let's be honest, Thanksgiving kind of gets the shaft when it comes to TV specials. New York-based sitcoms like Friends and How I Met Your Mother pick up the slack and provide us with some seasonal LOLs, but they never fully captured the "OMFG" aspect of the day. Luckily, though, Thanksgiving is Blair Waldorf's favorite holiday, and therefore Gossip Girl succeeds at showcasing what Thanksgiving is really about: the upheaval of drama between family and friends.
And let's get real, no matter how twisted your family is, it doesn't even compare to the chaos that reigned on the Upper East Side. Oh no, your mom's mad because Aunt Stacey forgot to bring the stuffing again? Well, at least nobody's trying to make you run away to the Dominican Republic so the FBI won't arrest your dad for embezzlement and fraud.
A Gossip Girl Thanksgiving embodied the very best the show had to offer, and it forever made me thankful that all my table arguments were strictly about how I'm drinking too much red wine and why I'm still boasting those goddamn yellow bangs. To celebrate, here's a quasi-chronological catalogue of my favorite messy Gossip Girl Thanksgiving memories.
1. 15-year-old Bar-Hopping-Before-Noon Serena Nearly Gets Hit By a Car
In an absolutely precious flashback, we get to witness the ever-charming Serena, clad in a leopard print coat, white-girl wasted on the streets, and an aggravated Blair playing mother hen. I shouldn't condescend, because it's a Mary Grace Thanksgiving tradition to be drunk before 3 p.m., but seriously, a poor pumpkin pie kicks the bucket because her drunk ass is warbling in the middle of the road. Not cool.
2. Serena is Banned From Waldorf Thanksgiving
Or she decides not to go, your interpretation depends on who you're siding with. The cause isn't even anything valid, I think it's some matter of slut-shaming and Blair pulling out the "you slept with my boyfriend" card.
3. Blair's Dad Isn't Coming for Thanksgiving... Because Her Parents are Divorcing
Actually, it's not THAT much of a plot twist. Blair herself later tells her mom "He's living in Europe... with a man. You can't be all that shocked that he wants a divorce." Still, the absence of her father totally derails the holiday for our Queen B.
4. Nate's Dad Overdoses on Painkillers
Nate's mom, in all her WASP-y airs, is all like, "Oh, he probably just took a Vicodin for a headache, NBD." Upper East Sider parents are the worst.
5. Blair Waldorf's Eating Disorder Rears Its Ugly Head
I say this not meaning to make a joke of it, because bulimia is a very serious subject matter, but let's be real, this was a hell of a heavy reveal.
6. It's Announced That Lily and Rufus Used to Be Longtime Lovers
It never got un-gross, especially after they got married, and triple that when it was revealed they had a son together. You know, what's-his-face that popped up in Season 3 and then quietly disappeared for the rest of the series.
7. Blair's Mom Gets Engaged... to Wallace Shawn
A delight for viewers, because Cyrus Rose is the undisputed best character on the show — there is NEVER enough Cyrus — but Blair has a whole temper tantrum about it. What else is new.
8. Nate's Dad Proposes Running Away From the FBI
Did I mention that Upper East Sider Parents are the worst?
9. Teenage Runaway Jenny Seeks Legal Emancipation
YEAH, OK, JENNY CAN'T EVEN BE TRUSTED TO PUT ON EYELINER PROPERLY.
10. Glamorous Teenage Runaway Blair Finds Teenage Runaway Jenny
Blair, meanwhile, runs away in style, Dorota in tow, screaming about how this is the worst Thanksgiving ever as she stomps around in her $800 heels.
11. This Entire Scene, Basically
It'll recap the great myriad of dramas of the third annual GG Thanksgiving massacre, but let's focus on the most important plot, which is:
12. Serena Carries on an Affair with a Married Politician
Nate's spineless and WAY less hot than cousin Tripp
13. ...And Then Runs Off With Him
To the Hamptons, like a bad Lana Del Rey song.
14. And Then The Married Politician's Jilted Wife Finds an Incriminating Letter
Something about Lily being with Serena's dad or whatever, I don't know, this was about when we all started realizing Gossip Girl was a contorted plot orgy where good writing goes to die.
15. Ex-Stepsiblings Dan and Serena Throw Their First Thanksgiving as a Couple
16. Serena Invites Her Mega-Old Ex and His Teenage Daughter to Said Thanksgiving
The teenage daughter, mind you, who's also been dating Nate. I'm guessing there wasn't enough of an awkward incestuous vibe at the table.
17. A Scathing Expose Dan Writes About Serena Becomes Public
IT'S A LOVE LETTER, GUYZ, REALLY!
18. Nate Punches Dan in the Face
Speaking on behalf of the viewers.
BONUS: Blair Weirdly Trying to Seduce Chuck in a Native American Costume
It tap-dances on cultural appropriation and she opens with, "Did somebody order a Thanksgiving spread?" Ugh. It's fine, I just lost my appetite.
Images: CW, Giphy (19)