For some of us, science wasn't exactly a digestible subject in school. (What can I say, some of us were crazy when we were younger.) Thankfully, Bill Nye the Science Guy was there with goofy lessons to tell us all about how storms are made and how smells work. It was practical, useful knowledge that helped our young minds to go from the dark ages — where sneezing was some sort of black magic and rainstorms were a mythical punishment keeping us from the playground for reasons we couldn't fathom — to a place where everything actually happened for a reason: Science!
So imagine the dismay my inner child felt at seeing Bill Nye on Dancing With the Stars cha-cha-ing to "Weird Science" — a song that equates science to "plastic tubes with pots and pans." And you thought we were going to say "shimmying up against a young, scantily-clad dancer" or "dancing among terribly rendered CGI test tubes" didn't you? (Though that was admittedly a little weird too.)
Alas, when it comes to Nye, it's all about the science. In fact, we're pretty disappointed in ol' Bill. The Science Guy definitely wouldn't have been okay with these gross misuses of the term "science." And we have proof! (In GIFs, because of course we do.)
Plastic tubes and pots and pans: Ah, yes. The scientific equipment of toddlers who've just raided the kitchen while mom wasn't looking.
Magic from the hand: This one makes me uncomfortable, but I distinctly remember Nye saying, time and again, that "it's not magic — it's science!"
Magic and technology/ Voodoo dolls and chants/ Electricity: Clearly, this person does not has never seen an episode of Bill Nye. Also, they have issues making lists of things that actually go together. Have they never taken a standardized test? I'm worried.
Fantasy and microchips/ Shooting from the hip: If you have microchips coming out of your hip, you should probably go to the doctor because something terrible happened to you. That's not weird, and it's barely even science. You should not have technological bits in your hip. Just saying.
Behind bolted doors/ Talent and imagination: Wait a minute. Now I'm definitely uncomfortable. What's happening behind that door? Acrobatics? Band practice?
Not what teacher said to do/ Makin' dreams come true/ Living tissue, warm flesh: There is no way we're still talking about science.
Mending broken hearts (and makin')/ (Weird science): Oh. The people in this song are having sex. Get it? It's weird science because it's actually sex, and I guess sex is weird sometimes. Especially if it comes anywhere near Bill Nye. Excuse me while my whole childhood is ruined. Thank you for that, Dancing With the Stars.
Maybe next week they can go with a song that more eloquently plays with the concept of science. (And one that lets us pretend it's actually about a lady blinding some guy through the power of science.)
[Images (GIFs): Fanpop, Tumblr]