Christmas has come early with some delicious news, boys and girls. In response to plummeting sales, fast-food giant McDonald's is launching a new "Create Your Taste," program, where customers can use touch screens to build their own burgers. So, finally, you can eat your own custom, heart-stoppingly greasy creations. Designed to appeal to millennials who have abandoned the golden arches for what they believe to be healthier, more customizable options like Panera Bread and Chipotle, the new system will allow customers to top their burgers with premium ingredients like guacamole, jalapenos, spicy mayo, grilled mushrooms, and garlic sauce. And for those who don't particularly care for beef, there will also be a customizable chicken sandwich. Yum.
There are currently four stores in southern California already using the system, but McDonald's has decided it will bring the touch screens to 30 locations in Illinois, Wisconsin, Georgia, Missouri, and Pennsylvania immediately. Next year, they will add another 2,000 restaurants. The new, fancier burgers will come with a higher price tag of course, averaging closer to $8 each than McDonald's standard $5 value meals. But for three extra bucks, you get to have your burger exactly the way you want. Like, they'll actually hold the onions for once. No shade.
That being said, it appears McDonald's is really trying to step up their game. If they're trying to strike at the heart of the luxury, custom-order consumer, they might need to try a little harder than that. Here are some other custom options they should consider adding to their program in order to really hook them (me) in.
Truffles are the new black. Mix up some of these babies in a sauce or slice them over the burger, and now we're talking. European white truffles can sell for as much as $3,600 a pound, but you're worth it, America. You're friggin worth it.
Aww. Yiss. Pile it on and make sure it's the good kind. I'm talking the $65 an ounce kind. Nothing says, "The customer is always right," like a nice big vat of caviar straight from the sea. Layer this just under the cheese and you won't even know you're eating meat of a dubious quality.
If Goldschläger can do it, so can you, Ronald. Let's dust this baby with some delicious, sexy gold to make it worth the price hike. I want to feel like I'm eating the riches of the Roman empire to distract me from the fact I'm actually sitting in an inner-city McDonald's ball pit. Can you do that for me, Ronald? I bet you can.