11 Emotional Stages of Waiting to Find Out if You're Going to Have a Snow Day
Your first adult snow day is somewhat equivalent to finding a hundred dollars in an old purse or waking up to find that the witty status you made while slightly intoxicated the night before somehow racked up a hundred "likes": It is rare and it is beautiful, and most importantly, it is not to be taken for granted. See, when we were kids, we would get snow days all the time; If the busses shut down, so did the entire fragile public school ecosystem. But when you're an adult, work doesn't care if the bus shut down or your car is heaped under a pile of butt-high snow, which makes trying to anticipate a possible snow day all the more meaningful than it was growing up.
At this point in the year, it hasn't snowed very much, so we're all still excited about the prospect of it. According to some weather predictions, we're in for a doozy of snow this winter, so I'm guessing that the snow days are going to come sooner rather than later. We must remain ever vigilant and do everything we can to appease the weather gods while enduring all of these inevitable emotional stages of waiting to hear the call on a snow day:
1. Ritualistic wearing of backwards pajamas and flushing ice cubes down the toilet
You don't care if it's only a myth. It worked once in the winter of '08 and this year you cannot afford to screw around.
2. Using any and everything as a bargaining chip
In keeping up your fair end of the deal should the sky decide to release a plume of snow that shuts down your workplace or school, you do all your homework, answer all your e-mails, and become suddenly more productive than you would ever be on a sunny day.
3. Obsessively checking weather reports
You've hit the "refresh" button so many times that you're maybe three taps away from accidentally setting your computer on fire.
4. Reaffirming your obsession on social media
You need to know that everyone else in the world is as obsessed with figuring out whether or not this is going to become an official "snow day" or not. You're not the only one freaking out about this, right? Right?? It feels six hundred times more justified if you see another desperate, hopeful soul making noise about it on Facebook.
5. Staring up at the sky with sad hopeful eyes
It kinda sorta looks like snow might come out of those clouds. You can't really tell. In the meantime, you've freaked out all your "mature" neighbors (aka, the ones not holding hope against hope for a snow day) by looking like you're waiting for the next rapture.
6. Insomnia unlike any you have ever known
Your parents told you, "If you don't go to sleep, Santa won't come," and for some reason you are convinced this also applies to work-canceling amounts of snow coming down in your immediate area.
7. Having crazy, trippy dreams about waking up to find snow on the ground
There is no torture quite like feeling the indescribable rush of seeing snow clogging up the whole street, and then waking up and realizing it was a lie.
8. Waking up to the sound of the snow plow
WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING, SNOW PLOWING PERSON?! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH OF MY SANITY I HAVE SACRIFICED FOR THAT FROZEN WATER YOU ARE SHOVING?! Leave it. Do not move the snow. It's barricading me from responsibility and real life.
9. The long, slow crawl to the window
You have no idea what is waiting for you out there. Your heart is pounding so hard that it's leaping into your throat.
10. A final, desperate prayer
Regardless of how much snow you see on the ground, you cross your fingers, knock on wood, and flush a few more ice cubes down the toilet for good measure (take that, indoor plumbing).
11. The final verdict
You open up your computer and load your work or school e-mail. This is it. This is the moment that decides your fate. May the odds be ever in your favor.
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