The 31 Nastiest Things We All Did As Kids, Because Chewing Our Hair Was Just The Beginning

BAUMHOLDER, GERMANY - JULY 04: A young girl takes part in a cake eating contest during the Fourth of July festivities at the Baumholder U.S. military base on July 4, 2012 in Baumholder, Germany. Baumholder has traditionally been home to the 170th Infantry Brigade, though the unit, which numbers several thousand soldiers and has participated in numerous combat operations in Afghanistan, will be inactivated by the fall of 2012 and its members and their families redeployed, mostly back to the United States. The move is part of a broader cost-cutting effort by the Pentagon, though it does not mean the end for the Baumholder garrison, as other U.S. military units are currently being gradually transferred to it. (Photo by Ralph Orlowski/Getty Images)
Source: Ralph Orlowski/Getty Images News/Getty Images

It's a well known fact that kids are disgusting. It's not just because they’re kids, but because they’re human beings, and we’re all pretty gross. Still, there is a particular brand of unselfconscious nastiness that comes with being a child — and trust us, as a kid, you were no different. 

Because they’ve yet to grow into adults who at least know right from wrong and adhere to certain crucial and socially acceptable protocols like the five-second rule, for the most part, kids are even more nauseating in their behavior than we adults are. I know, it’s a scary thought, but when you consider what you were like, you know it’s true. I mean, there was a point in your life where you sat in your own piss and sh*t, patiently awaiting to have your diaper changed. Granted, this was not something of you choose to do, but you still did it. And then, there were all the gross things you actually enjoyed doing.

If you've managed to conveniently forget the gross things you did as a kid, let me kindly remind you. Here are the 31 faux pas that all kids are guilty of committing — and that you were guilty of too. 

Eating Stuff Off the Ground

As I said, the five-second rule just wasn't in our world back then.  

Playing With Our Food 

It sure beats eating it when it's Cheerios AGAIN. 

Walking Around With Food on Us

Food on our face and shirt? We didn't care!

Chewing on Our Shirt Sleeve

Because it's... yummy? With a bit of salt, perhaps.

Chewing on Pencils and Pens

Admittedly, the texture of biting down on a pencil was pretty soothing.

Chewing on Our Hair

Because when you coil your hair around your finger, it just has to go in your mouth next. 

Setting Gum Aside For Hours, Then Chewing on It Again

What?

Playing With Our Gum

Ugh! You know those fingers are dirty as hell. 

Chewing on Silly Putty and/or Play-Doh

A whole boatload of salty wonder. 

Let's Be Real: Chewing on Anything

We just have to taste it all.

Using Our Sleeves As Both a Tissue and a Napkin

Or a tablecloth as a napkin. It's all very confusing. 

Sharing Lollipops and Ice Cream Cones

It was bad enough we did it with their friends, but we also liked to do it with the family pet. 

Sucking on a Jawbreaker for Hours

Must. Get. To. Center.

...Or Keeping It In Our Room and Working on It For Weeks

No, seriously, why? 

Peeing in Public Pools

Yeah, for the one doing the peeing it's OK, Ryan.

Giving Each Other Wet Willies

Everything about a wet willy is wrong. 

Not Washing Our Hands After Going to the Bathroom

Although far too many adults are guilty of this bad habit, too. 

Not Washing Our Hands Before Eating

Two words: E. coli.

Licking Away Snot on a Cold Day

Mmmmm salty.

Touching or Eating Our Poop

According to my friends who now have kids, this is something all kids do, whether it's in their diaper or in the toilet. In some cases, the little rugrats eat it. Yes, you may have eaten poop. Ask your mom.

Sticking Our Finger in Our Ear and Tasting It

I did this. My friend Linnea told me to. She also said it tasted good. It did not. 

Sticking Lots of Things In Random Body Holes 

Remember that controversial piece in Lena Dunham's Not That Kind of Girl where her sister puts rocks in her vagina? Yeah, it happens. Then you taste it, of course.

Grabbing Our Crotch When We Had to Pee

There appears to be no scientific proof that this helps quell the need to urinate.

Or Just Grabbing It Because It Was There

As my mother tells my nephews, "Leave it alone if you want it to grow."

Putting Our Hands in Our Underwear at Any Given Time

Appropriate timing wasn't exactly our strong suit. 

Then Remarking to Anyone Who Will Listen That It Felt Good

Neither are standard social graces.

Spitting Out Food We Just Didn’t Like

There's no better place for something that tastes awful like on the outside of your mouth.

Picking Our Nose and Eating It

You may not want to think you did this, but all kids do it. You've just blocked it out.

Actually, Just Picking At Everything

Scabs, pimples, mysterious things on the street, poop, garbage, you know, everything.

Using a Pool Jet As Our Very First Vibrator

You see a gushing jet of water, it only makes sense to press our nether regions to it.

...And Doing It in Front of Every Other Person in the Pool

What, you never did this? No time like the present, right?

Images: Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer; Giphy(20); WiffleGIF(6)

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