Sunglasses are an oft-forgotten accessory; a tasteful pair of Ray-Bans or designer aviators are good classic standbys, tossed on for utility almost as an afterthought. Sure, there's the cute and quirky cat eye trend as manifested in gorgeous frames — maybe with a little bit of rhinestone embellishment if you're going for that whole glam pinup/retro thing. There have been avant garde sunglasses of designer collections past, too, but never have I remembered quirky sunglasses being so embraced by the stylish and trendy as a must-have accessory as in 2014. Thanks in large part to style bloggers and Instagram, sunglasses are no longer an afterthought, but are ready to block the spotlight. And when you're rocking the "more is more" look, it's important to find as many accessories with tassels, glitter, jewels and other flare, too. I guess?
This year we saw the rise of the statement sunglasses, definitely a market cornered by indie designers. The "food on everything" trend was not left behind here, and, of course, like stunner shades past, a lot of shades' embellishments look pretty cool but were probably garbage for actually allowing one to see. But hey, when you know you look good, what else do you really need to see? We also saw the rise of wearable tech, thanks to Google Glass and its obvious and inevitable sunglasses iteration. I think I'm going to stick with dreaming of a pair of gorgeous Karen Walkers, thank you very much.
So from Coachella to Silicon Valley, here are the nine most ridiculous pairs of shades to make their debut this year:
I can't stand my hair being in my eyes for two seconds. So I can't even imagine having thick metallic tassels hanging in my periphery all day long. I also can't imagine these not just falling off your face with the heft. Plus, these would most likely be a danger while driving — not shoulder-check friendly.
2. PEEK-A-BOO SHADES
Peek-a-boo is a cute game to play with babies or an adorable fashion concept with cutouts in clothing, sure. Obscuring my vision is not something I want to be doing on a regular basis, though, you know?
Gasoline Glamour Roadrunner Peek-A-Boo Sunglasses, $40, nylon.com
These look super beautiful, but they [kind of] seem more like a way for people to feel like they've done drugs when they can't necessarily do so. As a person with anxiety, seeing distorted images or 16 times the amount of people that are actually there would be terrifying, rather than fun or quirky. Nope springs eternal.
h0les Classic Shades, $93.63, nastygal.com
4. GOOGLE GLASS SUNGLASSES
Wearable tech, you can be so cute at times — take "smart" ring Ringly or Opening Ceremony's "smart" cuff. If you're going for the "tech bro" look, there's no better way than to put on a pair of utilitarian Google Glasses. Thankfully, Google will be partnering with DVF to launch a more chic line next year.
5. HOT DIGGITY
As a fan of the hot dog in general, I'm pretty into celebrating its glory as often as possible. It's actually kind of a miracle I haven't built a hot dog shrine yet. These sunglasses would just make me sad though, because there ain't no hot dog like one you can actually eat.
Gasoline Glamour Hot Dog Shades, $44.78, nylon.com
Appropriate reasons for owning these sunglasses:
1: You are Lady Gaga. The End.
Linda Farrow Mirrored Heart Sunglasses, $250, asos.com
7. THIRD EYE SUNGLASSES
Sunglasses for two eyes? So passé. How about some sunglasses to keep the glare outta that third eye of yours? OK, maybe we're not all as cool as Prince and shouldn't actually try this one at home, but I wouldn't blame you for wanting to.
Third Eye Sunglasses, Available for pre-order in 2015, cocoandbreezy.com
8. MOSSI SUNGLASSES
You know something's cool when you can't actually use it for its intended purpose, right? Obscured vision was totally hot in 2014.
Mosi Sunglasses, $195, shopnylon.com
9. HANDMADE, ROUND STATEMENT GLASSES
Steampunk, I don't really get. But I understand it as an aesthetic. Seapunk, the same. These I just can't/don't even begin to comprehend. Maybe this is a Burning Man thing?
Men's Handmade Round Statement Sunglasses With Skull Beads, $145, etsy.com
Images: Courtesy Brands; Getty; Intagram