Patrick Stewart is Wearing a Singing Elf Hat So I Hope You're Ready to Die of Happiness — VIDEO
There have been many moments in your life that you perhaps doubted the existence of Santa: Maybe when mall Santa was less than cheerful, or when you saw that Polly Pocket set stashed in your mom's closet in second grade, or when you realized that Tim Allen is probably on vacation somewhere right now and decidedly not in charge of a sleigh. But doubt no more, Santa skeptics. The only definitive proof we need of Santa's existence is this video of Patrick Stewart wearing a light-up, singing elf hat, because this is a Christmas gift that only a person like Santa has the power to bestow.
It is clear from this brief but riveting video that Patrick Stewart has a lot of emotions about this particular hat, which leads me to ask: Who did this to you, Jean-Luc Picard? Someone is cackling in the background as this hat dances (yes, dances) upon his head, and as the video goes on, he seems to only succumb even further to this hat's lack of mercy on the human ear. Something tells me from his reaction to it that this hat is perhaps more powerful even than Cerebro, the device he wears on his head to amplify Professor X's telepathic powers. Where did this elf hat come from? Will it still be here long after the rest of us are but a hiccup in the universe's digestive system?
One thing about this video is decidedly clear, though: despite Stewart's very clear "help me" eyes, he has beaten out Miley Cyrus for best elf of the year. May he hold this title with great honor and dignity, and hopefully never wake up to find this hat haunting him in the middle of July, when he will probably least suspect it: