21 Things Only Audiobook-Lovers Understand: Could Dre Send Us All Some of Those Sweet Headphones, Pretty Please?
It's hard to convince those print book traditionalists to move to e-books, never mind audiobooks. But as every audiobook-lover knows, once you try it, you wonder how you ever had the time to sit and read a paperback with your busy life. Suddenly, you're "reading" absolutely everywhere you go, knocking chores off your list, and multitasking like a gosh darn pro.
OK, so maybe I grew up getting audiobooks from the public library, and yes, I distinctly remember listening to what had to have been a 9-audio cassette version of The Perfect Storm during a family road trip to Washington D.C. in the way back of the minivan on my trusty Walkman. So I never had to be convinced on audiobooks. Suddenly I'm whipping through dozens more books a year than I have been used to — because, yes, despite what some of the anti-audios have said, they definitely count on your yearly reading list. And when I finish "reading" an audiobook when I'm out running errands, I feel like a real grown-up woman boss, getting things done. And all you fellow audiobook-lovers, you know what I'm saying.
In particular, there are 21 things all audio book lovers know. So, everyone else, take note:
Cleaning the house is something you actually look forward to
Doing the dishes? Mopping the floor? Hell, evening cleaning the bathroom? As long as it gives you a spare hour or two to listen to the next few chapters, you'll happily make sure your apartment is sparkling clean. It's a win-win.
The same goes for shoveling snow or raking leaves
How was productivity even a thing before audiobooks?
Going on a long roadtrip? Sign us up
Finally, you can start and finish that book you've been waiting to listen to.
And when you find an audiobook that's the exact length to fit your drive, it's like...
Your fingers get all prune-y in the shower because you're listening to a great book...
And that hot water bill? Off the charts.
...But you have to carefully reach out of the shower to skip back 15 seconds because you missed a part while you were shampooing
Don't. Get. iPhone. Wet.
Suddenly taking the bus or subway to work doesn't seem all that bad
Sorry, are there other passengers on this bus? Did I miss my stop?
You can get your grocery shopping done like a straight-up pro
Except if you're listening to Chocolat or The Hundred Foot Journey and suddenly you've tossed aside your list and find yourself wandering the baking and exotic foods aisle tossing chocolate bars and tamarind paste into your cart.
You're far more willing to invest time in cooking a complicated dinner
You get to finish your book and your roommates get Duck a l'Orange.
Sometimes you realize you've been sitting in your parked car for longer than probably normal
No, I'm not leaving, person with blinker on trying to take my spot. I just can't leave the car until I finish this chapter.
And you've never been in better shape because audiobooks + treadmill = finally loving the gym
Out... of... breath... but... must... find... out... what... happens... next...
Oh, and your dog? She's really well exercised, too
Please, mama. No more long audiobook-fueled walks.
You will find any spare moment to listen to the next part of your book...
Whatever it's the 7th inning stretch.
...And you sometimes feel like telling your doctor or dentist that now you're not ready yet
Who has the upper-hand now, doctor?
And yes, OK, sometimes you find yourself talking just like the audiobook narrator
After 12 hours of the same voice, you're suddenly like Madonna after she moved to England.
But also, it's like your favorite people are talking to you like you're BFF
A little advice: Get Tina Fey's Bossypants, Amy Poehler's Yes, Please, and Mindy Kaling's Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? on audiobook and listen to three of your favorite ladies chatting with you so you can imagine you're all best pals.
Now those insanely priced, super fancy headphones seem like a totally worthwhile investment
I'm not sure this is what Dre had in mind when he invented them.
Audible, Open Culture, and AudioBooks.com are all bookmarked on your toolbar
And you're always looking for even better sites to get your audio fix.
And even though you can look like a maniac, standing blank-faced and mesmerized while you lose track of yourself in a really good book...
...You preach the glory of audiobooks to everyone you come in contact with, no matter how hesitant they are...
...And when you meet other audiobook lovers, you know they know what's up. Because put simply: Audiobooks are the best for busy, on-the-go, bookworm women.
Images: kohlmann.sascha/Flickr; Giphy; MakeaMeme.org; Giphy (19)