Season five of NBC's The Voice premiered Monday night, and it only made me hungrier for the second episode. 24 hours never seemed so long. Blind auditions, I'll never tire of you. Christina Aguilera, Cee Lo Green, Blake Shelton, and Adam Levine are out for blood this season, and I'm all smiles. During Tuesday night's episode, my smile transformed into a maniacal, silent scream when E.G. Daily (TOMMY PICKLES! DOTTIE!) performed. Oh, you aren't messing around, The Voice. Not even a little bit.
The episode began with a coaches 'n' Carson Daly hang out sesh, and I've never felt more envy course through my veins. Adam handed Xtina a rose, and I promptly passed out from jealousy-overload. I didn't see the rest of the episode. I'm being dramatic. Of course I watched the rest of the episode.
Okay, the Adam and Blake "bromance" (Barftown, population: the word "bromance") has evolved into a vicious competitiveness between the two. Adam's favorite game is to persuade contestants to choose any coach over Blake, even if Adam didn't turn around for the singer. Xtina and Cee Lo are playing along, but no one is gunning for the three-peat champ quite like Adam. Perhaps Blake and Adam need a season off. You know, to give each other some space. It may not be what any of us want, but it might be what's best for the BFFs. Granted, I could be veering off into fan-fic/wild speculation territory, but I'm catching some weird vibes.
The highlights of the night:
- Cee Lo, uninterested in the ongoing sales pitches from Xtina and Blake, asked contestant Jacquie Lee, "Did you buy those boots from Aldo?" A few minutes later, Cee Lo took out his phone and snapped a photo of the sparkly ankle boots. I'm here for the coaches and Cee Lo is here for the fashion.
- I shed my first tears of the season during Holly Henry's lovely rendition of "The Scientist." Her little brother sobbed with pride backstage while she performed, and that sort of thing is my kryptonite. Initially, I wrote her off as another bargain basement version of Nora Jones (there have been so many in seasons past, but I won't name names). I was horribly wrong. Holly has a wildly dynamic and pretty voice. Xtina described the tone as "silky." All four chairs turned for Holly, and she ultimately went with coach Blake.
- Tommy Pickles, er, E.G. Daily is 51 years old and a recognizable live-action and voice-over actor. She sang "Breathe," and tacked a raspy vibrato onto the Faith Hill slow dance staple. Admittedly, country isn't my bag, but I love anyone who serves me a combo of Dolly Parton and Stevie Nicks. Who knew Tommy Pickles had a wondrous set of pipes? Cee Lo and Blake hit their buttons for her. She chose Blake because she wants to be more than a voice-over actor. Okay? I wonder if she was worried Cee Lo would make her sing like a Powerpuff Girl. I wouldn't have hated it.
- Tessanne Chin is the Judith Hill of the season; a veteran singer who, as Cee Lo pointed out, "sound[s] like a grown woman." Her voice was stupidly beautiful. She sang "Try," which I know, from years of scream-singing it alone in my car (and subsequently straining my vocal cords), is a tough-ass song. She nailed it. She's awesome. The four coaches duked it out for her hand in Voice-trimony, Adam won, and the clear frontrunner of the season has been established. My favorite part about Tessanne? Her introduction to rock and roll was System of a Down and Papa Roach. I'm so happy she didn't run away from music forever after being exposed to that garbage. (Oops, I can't judge. I owned at least one System of a Down album.)
- After Johnny Gray's performance of "All These Things That I've Done," Blake asked, "Is 'emo' one of those big birds? Kind of like an ostrich?" Blake Shelton is so good at being Blake Shelton.
Hand me my Xtina-style paper fan, because I need to cool down after that episode! The female singers totally outshone the dudes tonight, but who knows what next week will bring? See you next Monday!
Image: Trae Patton/NBC