Tuesday morning, the great and beneficent King Goldenvoice of Indio summoned the denizens to the town square, unfurled Ye Sacred Lineup Scroll, and announced which artists will play the 2015 Coachella Valley Music and Arts Festival. (OK, fine. Here's what really happened: The official festival lineup was posted online. That's it. But don't worry, there was plenty of e-fanfare.) As awesomely left field as Steely Dan playing the festival is, I gotta say, I can't take my eyes off of that Day 3 roster. It’s something out of my early aughts indie rock-lovin’ dreams. I feel very strongly about Day 3. I want to write poetry and recite to it Day 3. I love Day 3.
You know who else is losing her mind over Day 3? Kristie at age 15. Dare I say, 15-year-old Kristie feels even stronger about Day 3 than Present Day Kristie.
15-year-old Kristie time-traveled to 2015, read the Coachella Day 3 lineup, listed her must-see artists, and shared her reactions to the must-see artists. I asked if she’d like to add some GIFs to her reactions. She didn’t know what a GIF was. I showed her. She asked me if there are any The O.C. GIFs on the Internet. I grinned at her so hard my face ached.
Here are the must-see Day 3 artists according to 15-year-old Kristie, 15-year-old Kristie's reactions, and Present Day Kristie's reactions:
15-year-old Kristie’s reaction: Um, do you mean JIMMY BROOKS FROM DEGRASSI?!?!?!?!? AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHH I *~*~LOVE~*~* HIIIIIIIIIIIM.
Present Day Kristie's reaction: Still *~*~love~*~* him.
15-year-old Kristie’s reaction: Oh my gawwwwwwd I hope he plays Heartbreaker start to finish. I would literally dieeeeeeee.
Present Day Kristie's reaction: I'll figuratively die no matter what he plays.
15-year-old Kristie’s reaction: I have to go I have to go I have to go I have to go.
Present Day Kristie's reaction: *Draws the blinds and listens to "The Shower Scene" at an eardrum-obliterating volume.*
15-year-old Kristie’s reaction: No Rilo Kiley? She's a solo act now? She is my queen and I must pay my respects in person.
Present Day Kristie's reaction: She is my queen always and forever.
15-year-old Kristie’s reaction: CONOR OBERRRRRRRRRST ISN’T FAAAAAIRRRRRRRRR.
Present Day Kristie's reaction: Woo, nelly. Emo crushes die hard.
Built to Spill
15-year-old Kristie’s reaction: I can’t believe they’re going to be there. SO TIGHT.
Present Day Kristie's reaction: So tight.
A few stray reactions from 15-year-old Kristie:
- I've never been to Coachella. I hope I get to go one day. What's that? I do get to go? Multiple times? YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY~!!
- I hate to complain, but I wish Taking Back Sunday was on the bill.
- Where’s Modest Mouse? Doesn’t Modest Mouse always play Coachella?
- What is Florence and the Machine? Can I cry to it?
- Is Jamie XX straightedge or do Xs mean something else in 2015? Kewl either way.
- I’m gonna buy a single day pass. Wait, what? Coachella doesn’t do single day passes anymore? Aw, balls.
- WHAT? The Pixies were there last year? HoLy CrAp SaNdWiChEs. I bet that was too legit to quit.
- Hey, g2g. I still have, like, 16 hours of math homework to do before tomorrow.
And with that, 15-year-old Kristie time-traveled back to the first decade of the New Millennium.
Ain't that the truth?