Joseph Gordon-Levitt has a Secret Girlfriend: Here are 171 Sandwiches to Make Him Yours

Joseph Gordon-Levitt is everything you could want a boyfriend to be — in that totally idealized, you actually don't really even know him at all but the idea of him you've concocted in your head is a dream, sort of way. So it's no surprise that, upon hearing that the Don Jon star does indeed have a secret girlfriend, the ladies of the world dreaming of their date with destiny are a bit, shall we say, crushed? Time to eat some feelings!

But wait! What if eating has, in fact, been the answer all along? Think about it. We all very recently discovered that the scientifically proven, 100 percent real way to a man's heart is through their stomachs. Which has gotten us thinking, mainly about sandwiches. Indeed, we've been inspired by The New York Post's Page Six editor Stephanie Smith and her surefire plan for relationship bliss, the sandwich. But we're not looking for a marriage commitment — JGL's already said he's unsure about it (and so are we! Like oh my god hello true looooooove!) — so the full 300-sandie treatment isn't totally necessary. I mean, c'mon, that's like totally extreme. Especially when you consider the fact that most of JGL's girlfriends-to-be are just regular-type, everyday logical ladies: pining away for a teeny taste of something that would be an oh-so-totally-happily-ever-after-style relationship match made in heaven. (Natch!)

Which is why we've decided to take Smith's strategy and combine it with just that sort of logical thinking. So we came up with a list of 171 sandwiches the future Ms. Life Partner of JGL would have to make in order to secure that Levitt breaks up with his secret girlfriend for your sandwich-making goddess skillz. So get into that kitchen ladies and start a-cookin'! Levitt's appetite won't be whet much longer:

  • Bacon, Egg, and Cheese sandwich
  • Tongue sandwich (aye-o!)
  • Breakfast Sausage sandwich
  • Hot Brown sandwich
  • Hot Dog (basically a sandwich!)
  • Italian sandwich
  • Lobster Roll (perhaps the best sandwich)
  • Bahn Mi sandwich
  • Bread sandwich
  • Butter and Jelly sandwich
  • Buttwich sandwich
  • Cheese sandwich
  • Chicken sandwich
  • Chicken salad sandwich
  • Chipwich
  • Cheesesteak
  • Club sandwich
  • Croissantwich
  • Ham sandwich
  • Ham and Swiss sandwich
  • Ham and cheddar sandwich
  • Ham Surprise! sandwich
  • Ham and egg sandwich
  • Ham and bacon sandwich
  • Ham on Ham on Ham sandwich
  • Moons Over My Hammy sandwich
  • Hagelslag Orvlokken sandwich
  • Thanksgiving Leftovers sandwich
  • Croque Madame sandwich
  • Croque Monsieur sandwich
  • Naanwich
  • Cuban sandwich
  • Cucumber sandwich
  • Fluffernutter sandwich
  • French Dip sandwich
  • Grilled Cheese sandwich
  • Gyro sandwich
  • Hamburger (totally a sandwich!)
  • Open-Faced Turkey sandwich
  • Open-Faced Chicken sandwich
  • Open-Faced Steak sandwich
  • Monte Cristo sandwich
  • Muffuletta sandwich
  • Pastrami sandwich
  • Panini sandwich
  • Deli Delight sandwich
  • Denver sandwich
  • Mac and Grilled Cheese sandwich
  • Doner Kebab sandwich
  • Donkey Burger sandwich
  • Double Decker sandwich
  • Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwich
  • Peanut Butter and Jelly and Banana sandwich
  • Peanut Butter and Jelly and Bacon sandwich
  • Peanut Butter and Jelly and Chocolate chip sandwich
  • Sushi sandwich (it's a work in progress)
  • Kokoretsi sandwich
  • Kottenbutter sandwich
  • Leberkäse sandwich
  • Lettuce sandwich
  • Lettuce, Tomato, and Cheese sandwich
  • Limburger sandwich
  • Lox Bagel sandwich
  • Marmite sandwich
  • Vegemite sandwich
  • Meatloaf sandwich
  • Meatball sandwich
  • Meatball Parm sandwich
  • Eggplant sandwich
  • Eggplant Parm sandwich
  • Chicken Parm sandwich
  • Tuna sandwich
  • Baked Bean sandwich
  • BBQ Chicken sandwich
  • Pulled Pork sandwich
  • Barros Jarpa sandwich
  • Barros Luco sandwich
  • Bauru sandwich
  • BLT sandwich
  • TBLT sandwich
  • Bocadillo sandwich
  • Bosna sandwich
  • Bratwurst sandwich
  • British Rail sandwich
  • Bruschetta sandwich
  • Broodje kroket sandwich
  • Kebab sandwich
  • Butterbrot sandwich
  • Cemita sandwich
  • Chacarero sandwich
  • Chipped Beef sandwich
  • Corned Beef sandwich
  • Churrasco sandwich
  • Chivito sandwich
  • Choripán sandwich
  • Cudighi sandwich
  • Egg sandwich
  • Egg salad sandwich
  • Falafel sandwhich
  • Fischbrötchen sandwich
  • Fried Brain sandwich
  • Gerber sandwich
  • Guajolota sandwich
  • Ice cream sandwich
  • Jibarito sandwich
  • Jam sandwich
  • Ham and Jam sandwich
  • Katsu Sando sandwich
  • Medianoche sandwich
  • Mitraillette sandwich
  • Mettbrötchen sandwich
  • Mollete sandwich
  • Mortadella sandwich
  • Pambazo sandwich
  • Pan-bagnat sandwich
  • Patty Melt sandwich
  • Pastrami sandwich
  • Pastrami on Rye sandwich
  • Pebete sandwich
  • Pistolette sandwich
  • Pljeskavica sandwich
  • Ploughman's sandwich
  • Po'boy sandwich
  • Polish Sausage sandwich
  • Porilainen sandwich
  • Pork Chop sandwich
  • Pork Tenderloin sandwich
  • Shrimp sandwich
  • Prawn Roll
  • Primanti sandwich
  • Reuben sandwich
  • Roti John sandwich
  • Rou Jia Mo sandwich
  • Runza sandwich
  • Sandwich Loaf sandwich
  • De Miga sandwich
  • Salt Beef sandwich
  • Sausage sandwich
  • Sausage and Peppers sandwich
  • Shawarma sandwich
  • Slider sandwiche
  • Tofu on Toast sandwich
  • Sloppy Joe sandwich
  • Sloppy Jane sandwich
  • Smörgåstårta sandwich
  • Smørrebrød sandwich
  • Sol over Gudhjem sandwich
  • Souvlaki sandwich
  • Spiedie sandwich
  • St. Paul sandwich
  • Steak Bomb sandwich
  • Italian Bomb sandwich
  • Da Bomb sandwich
  • Tavern sandwich
  • Tea sandwich
  • Nutella and Banana sandwich
  • Tempeh, Lettuce, and Tomato sandwich
  • Toast sandwich
  • Torta sandwich
  • Torta Ahogada sandwich
  • Tramezzino sandwich
  • Tripleta sandwich
  • Vada Pav sandwich
  • Welsh Rarebit sandwich
  • Wurstbrot sandwich
  • Yakisoba-pan sandwich
  • Zapiekanka sandwich
  • Tuna Melt sandwich
  • Chicken Melt sandwich
  • Veggie sandwich
  • S'mores (a dessert sandwich!)

The anticipation of finding out who is going to be Joseph Gordon-Levitt's future secret girlfriend is killing us! We're wheating with bread that is basted, you guys.