What Experts Want You To Know About Female Ejaculation

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Ashley Batz/Bustle

We at Bustle love giving you tips for how to tap into your sexual potential and troubleshoot when things aren’t going your way in the bedroom. But what about finding solutions to those stressful sexual health situations that inevitably crop up when you’re getting down? Emma Kaywin, a Brooklyn-based sexual health writer and activist, is here to calm your nerves and answer your questions. This week’s topic: female ejaculation.

Q: I’d like to learn more about how to achieve female ejaculation. I’ve never done it and I really want to, but I don’t even know if I’m capable. Can anyone do it? Are there certain circumstances that can increase your odds? And what is it anyway? Is it just a porn myth?

A: Anywhere between 10 to 54% of women report ejaculation during sex, according to research. But some sex experts insist that all folks with vulvas are physically capable of ejaculating. Some discover it without meaning to, while others have to work for it.

So what female ejaculation exactly? "It is the sexual experience, usually associated with G-spot play and often accompanied by orgasm, of fluid being emitted from the urethra," Good Vibrations staff sexologist Dr. Carol Queen, PhD, tells Bustle.

But there's still plenty we don't know yet. "Female ejaculation is still not well understood in the scientific community and women seem to have varying experiences around it," Dr. Jennifer Gunsaullus, PhD, a San Diego-based sociologist and sexologist, tells Bustle. "Some women, when very turned on meaning that they've had a lot of blood flow to their genitals and engorgement of erectile tissue in the vulva area, have a region inside on the front wall of their vagina that brings about a different sense of pleasure when touched or stroked. There is nothing on the vaginal wall itself there, but the pressing of the wall pushes into the erectile tissue around the urethra that's on the other side."

Knowledge is power, so let’s learn why and how the body does this fascinating thing so you can optimize your chances of experiencing the gush for yourself.

First ... Is There Pee in It?

Research into the ejaculate material has confirmed that it is distinct from urine — as in, it’s not pee. However, a 2015 study (with an unfortunately small sample size of only seven women) found that for serious squirters, the more intense liquid outpouring comes from the bladder, but has traces of the Skene ejaculate.

Wait — so why isn’t it just pee then, if it comes from your bladder through your urethra? Great question!

Some women experience what’s called retrograde ejaculation. This is when your nether muscles clench post-orgasm, causing your ejaculate to travel back up your urethra and into your bladder instead of going out into the world to be free. There, it mixes with the natural contents of your bladder, picking up some urine components before exiting the premises. So, still ejaculate, since you’re ejaculating a material that is created from sexual pleasure, but also urine, because of many of its components.

Overall, there’s still a lot we don’t know about exactly how this works or really even how to classify it (as coming or sexual urination).

How Can I Learn To Do It?

"We don’t really know for sure that anyone can do it; we know that not everyone does do it, but it’s likely that many who don’t have never tried, or have not had the right circumstances as part of their sexual experience, Queen says.

If it's something you want to learn to do, here are some practical and fun steps to take.

Find The G-Spot & Use Lube

Female ejaculation is very tied to your G-spot, which is located on the upper wall of your vagina. If you need help finding this sweet spot, read this guide.

"Find the G-spot; it is on the anterior (front wall) of the vagina and feels different (firmer, sometimes rather ridged) than the surrounding tissue." Queen says. "To experience ejaculation, most people need more pressure than they would ordinarily experience during sex play, and that means two things: add lubricant, or else the pressure might be uncomfortable; and be really turned-on."

Make Sure You're Super Turned On

It almost goes without saying: you need to be aroused to ejaculate. So do whatever you usually do to get your head in the game. And as, Queen mentions, lack of arousal can even feel irritating. "This is not a button you push to get aroused — it becomes truly responsive only when highly aroused. (So, do whatever it takes to get that way! It may work best at first with clitoral stimulation happening simultaneously.) Most people who like G-spot stimulation and who ejaculate say they respond we to the sensation of a “come hither motion”: stroke this area of the vagina with a finger or two, as though you are beckoning someone to come over to you," Queen says.

Try A Toy

If you're doing it during masturbation with a sex toy, make sure it has a curve, Queen says. She recommends any of these G-Spot vibes.

How Do I Know It’s For Real?

How do you know if you’ve ejaculated? Queen says that the fluid coming from your urethra can be a gush or a trickle — so it can be hard to tell. You may be ejaculating, but not enough to really notice. If you’re a retrograde ejaculator, you may be ejaculating but not seeing the fruits of your labor, as it were, because they’re going … well … up.

What Does It Feel Like?

Gunsaullus says it feel similar to a more traditional orgasm, or can feel like a separate release." Some educators believe that the G-Spot is a continuation of what I now call the "Clitoral Complex" — all of the sensitive and pleasure-bringing areas of the clitoral head and erectile tissue under the skin," Gunsaullus says.

The Bottom Line

Sex is exciting, and I’m all for having the broadest diversity of sexual experiences you feel comfortable checking out (and even pushing those limits a bit in a safe and supportive environment, because you don’t know what you like until you check it out, right?). For many folks with vulvas, female ejaculation is an elusive goal we’d love to experience if we haven’t discovered it already. You now have all the information you need to go forth and practice, practice, practice to get your sexy flow going.

Just one word of warning: when it comes to sex, trying too hard can backfire. Remember that the key to great sex is being relaxed. Pressures associated with trying to achieve a certain goal — in this case, ejaculation — can result in frustration and loss of that good sexy feeling that comes with being confident and excited. So my advice to you is chill out. Chances are, now that you know what you’re looking for and how to get there, you’ll be gushing before you know it.

This piece was originally published on January 15, 2015. It was updated on July 3, 2019.

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