Watch out, heterosexual men and couples of the world — apparently the most dangerous sexual position for the penis is "woman on top," according to a study recently done in the journal of Advances in Urology. The study was conducted with the purpose of finding things that caused or contributed to penile fracture and long-term penile deformities and erectile dysfunction. Sexual position was found to be an important factor among other things and research showed that heterosexual sex was the most common cause of fracture, adversely affecting about 67 percent of men. Within that, "woman on top" contributed to most cases of penile trauma (which would make a great band name) over "doggy style" and "man on top."
Researchers concluded that the reason for this was probably because women are extremely powerful and fabulous and men just can't handle our sexual prowess. Just kidding. However, they did hypothesize that this happens probably because women aren't paying attention to the specific positioning of the penis during sex and that they could possibly doing something to hurt it because, honestly, who's paying attention to logistics in the throes of passion? They wrote:
Our hypothesis is that when woman is on top she usually controls the movement with her entire body weight landing on the erect penis, not being able to interrupt it when the penis suffers a wrong way penetration, because the harm is usually minor in woman with no pain but major in the penis. On the contrary, when the man is controlling the movement, he has better chances of stopping the penetration energy in response to the pain related to the penis harm, minimizing it.
In my professional, scientific opinion this study probably won't change the way straight people have sex — sorry, "penile trauma."