Here's the scene: You're somewhat aware that this is the third time you've hit the snooze button. That means it's officially time to venture into a world that is not encompassed by your comforter. Sigh. You drag yourself to the bathroom to begin your morning ritual only to look in the mirror and discover that there is a planet on your face. No. Not a planet. The entire f*cking universe. All housed in a convenient red bump. It's totally ripe for the picking, but you've heard you're not supposed to pop them. But there must be a way to properly pop a pimple without unleashing the whole universe onto the bathroom mirror, right?
Of course it really is best to let the sleeping dog lie to prevent potential scarring, bacteria spreading, and just straight-up making it worse. (If you use just your fingers to squeeze, you can actually push some contents deeper into your skin.) But if you can't resist, there is an optimal method. Before you pull on your surgeon's gloves though, you're going to need a needle and some rubbing alcohol. Now let's get down to business (to defeat... the zit).
1. Sanitize the Needle
You're already dealing with enough bacteria on your face, you don't want any more. Make sure your instrument is sanitized with either rubbing alcohol or a flame. If you choose the latter, just make sure the needle is cool before proceeding.
2. Pierce the Pimple
It might feel a little odd to approach your face with a needle, but it is the best way to open up zits. And don't worry, this won't hurt; the skin on top of a pimple is already dead so you won't feel a thing. Make sure to pierce the pimple from the side, with the needle parallel to your face. This will ensure that you don't accidentally pierce farther into your face than is safe. And try to be as delicate with this procedure as possible; we don't want any flying needles or fancy new facial piercings (right?).
3. Rip Up
I know it's bad enough taking a needle to the face, but as previously mentioned, the skin on top of the white head is already dead, so this won't hurt. Ripping the top of the zit open will expose the contents of your bane, giving you greater access to the devil inside.
4. Gently Push
OK, this is the fun part. Gently push around your newly opened zit (yum). Be careful not to push too hard as this will destroy the cells in the area, causing scarring. Instead apply slight pressure down and in to get the most gunk out of your battle zone. Once you've done this, the next step is the most important.
5. Sanitize Everything
Or at least the needle and your face. A little alcohol on each of these will make sure the bacteria doesn't spread anywhere. Now tell me that wasn't satisfying.