What's Anne Hathaway's Mystery Song About?

Another day, another celebrity skirting our desire to know every single little detail about their personal life. Apparently, Anne Hathaway has written a song — a fact revealed, fittingly, during her press rounds for her film Song One, in which she...well, writes songs.

Interesting news, of course. The thing is, we don't have access to this song — in fact, we don't even know what this song is about! As the notoriously private celeb she is, Hathaway is perfectly content with leaving us in the dark on this one.

For context, here is the transcript from the Great Hathaway Song Tease of 2015, via Cosmo:

Cosmo: Have you ever written a song for someone in real life?Anne: Yes.

For whom?Can't say.

Can you tell me about it?No. Cannot do that.

Is it something that is Google-able or on YouTube?Nooooo. Never will be. Not even a little bit.

Something you currently sing to anyone?Nope.

So maybe a high-school sweetheart?Nope.

You're really not giving me anything are you?Nothing, nothing, nothing.

Curses! Damn you, Hathaway!

So, obviously, like the pop-culture obsessed people I know we all are, we'll have to fill in the blanks ourselves. Or at least do some good old-fashioned brainstorming. Here are my thoughts:

Things She Could Have Written This Song About:

  • Her husband.
  • James Franco (a revenge song, of course — did you see the trainwreck of the Oscars ceremony they cohosted?)
  • The freeing feeling of shaving her head.
  • Julie Andrews.
  • Her 2013 Oscars dress.
  • How this Love & Other Drugs GIF has basically taken over the Internet.
  • How she'll always be the princess of Genovia.
  • An alternate Genovian national anthem (despite the undoubtable perfection of the first one).
  • Another rap.
  • The Hathahaters.
  • Hillary Clinton
  • A dream she had that one time, but only half-remembers because her alarm clock woke her up.
  • A celebrity who wronged her (who isn't James Franco).
  • Space. (Written while on the set of Interstellar, which is kind of close-ish to space. A little.)
  • Sexy times? MAYBE?
  • The dream of a Marvel movie.
  • A high school drama class.
  • Vassar.
  • A long-lost pet.

Of course, though, these are just possibilities. (But I really hope it's about the Oscars, because that would just be too amazing.)