Is '50 Shades of Grey' Actually... a Horror Movie?

On Thursday, while we were still reeling from The Weeknd's smoldering "Earned It" visual, Ellie Goulding premiered the music video for "Love Me Like You Do," her fantastic contribution to the Fifty Shades of Grey soundtrack. While I love the song with all of my heart (and then some), the clip has me convinced that Fifty Shades of Grey is actually... a horror movie. DUN DUN DUN!!! I'm serious. The "Love Me Like You Do" video cuts between scenes of Goulding dancing with a mysterious man (a ghost?) in an abandoned castle and scenes from the film, and let me tell you, Christian Grey is giving me major Patrick Bateman from American Psycho vibes. He totally looks like a serial killer (albeit a really, really, unbearably good-looking one).

I would not at all be surprised to discover that in addition to his BDSM "playroom," Christian has a secret place in his basement where he keeps a giant, human-sized birdcage. You know, for toying with his victims. (And probably for kinky sex things involving bird seed, too.) I know Fifty Shades of Grey is supposed to turn people on, but personally, I'm kind of terrified.

Here are 18 times the "Love Me Like You Do" music video makes Fifty Shades of Grey look like a horror movie:

When Ellie Walks Into This Spooky-Ass Haunted Mansion

You Know Those Statues Come Alive At Night (The Souls of Children Are Trapped Inside)

Never Seen a Scarier Candelabra in My Whole Entire Life — IN MY WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE

When This Deserted Parking Garage Makes an Appearance for Some Reason

When Christian Keeps Looking at Anastasia With Murder in His Eyes

You Just Know She's Going to End Up in That Birdcage

And Not in a Sexy Way, Either

When Christian Scares the Crap Out of Anastasia at a Hardware Store (???) and Then SMILES LIKE A MANIAC ABOUT IT

You Know He's There to Stock Up on Duct-Tape and Rope

When This Guy Is Watching Ellie From Above Like a Hawk (a Hawk-Ghost)

When Ellie Straight-Up Dies on the Dance Floor

Yup, She's Gone. RIP.

Remember That Deserted Parking Garage? This Unsavory-Looking Character Is Waiting Inside the Car For Some Reason

WHO IS HE? WHAT IS HE UP TO?

When Christian Watches Anastasia While She's Sleeping, Clearly Plotting His Next Move

When Christian Carries Anastasia's Lifeless Body From His Kill Room

Welp. We all saw it coming.

Now are you convinced that Fifty Shades of Grey will be the scariest movie to hit theaters since The Silence of the Lambs?

Images: EllieGouldingVEVO/YouTube (18)