Cats are perfect and they know it and we know it, but guys? Even with the abundance of cat videos and appreciation pieces overwhelming the Internet, cats occasionally feel misunderstood — which is why, once a year, they would like us all to stop what we're doing and take a moment to really open up the line of communication between us and them... by celebrating National Answer Your Cat's Questions Day, of course. What's that? You didn't know that was a real holiday? Have you been living under a rock? Or maybe you're just so self-absorbed in your own little human world that you didn't even think that perhaps, while your cat was sitting there all those nights listening to you wonder out loud why your only trustworthy relationship in life is the one you have with your Seamless account, it had a few questions of its own.
Communication is a two-way street, OK? You can't just expect to thrust all your earthly burdens on your feline friend and not expect him or her to raise an eyebrow. And now, after 364 days of watching you ask the powers that be if you should swipe right, or if you'll get food poisoning from eating two-week-old pizza, or if Adnan's really guilty, your cat has its own problems it would like to hash out.
Look, the Internet has taught us a lot about our cats — their quirks, their needs, their fears, their wants — but to assume you know everything about the mysterious inner workings of your kitten's mind would be an egregious misstep. Because it's a national holiday, and because it's time you and your cat connected on a more meaningful level, here are 22 questions all cats want answered, immediately.
1. What's in this box?
2. What's in this box?
3. What's in THIS box?!
4. When is nap time?
5. Is it nap time now?
6. Why aren't we napping?
7. Why so tense?
8. Why is life awesome?
9. But also why is it the worst?
10. Is there life in outer space?
11. Are you going to eat that?
12. Why aren't you paying attention to me?
13. WHY AREN'T YOU PAYING ATTENTION TO ME?
14. What would Lil Bub do?
15. How may I help you?
16. Where are we going?
17. How many lives do I have left?
18. And what's the meaning of it all?
19. What's wrong with the printer?
20. When does the new Star Wars movie come out?
21. What's the next step toward world domination?
22. And, finally, in the words of Regina George...
Why are you so obsessed with me?