Super Bowl Drinking Game 2015 Edition: Because the Words 'Football' and 'Alcohol' Rhyme for A Reason

The Super Bowl: like many great American traditions (Mardi Gras, homecoming weekend, Flag Day), the biggest sporting event of the year is best enjoyed if you leave your sobriety at home. Whether you're a die-hard fan or you can barely keep track of the rules, the Big Game can always be made a little more fun if you add some alcohol into your plans. So, especially for you, I've created the ultimate Super Bowl XLIX Drinking Game. Think of me as your personal Yoda (or personal Joe Montana, if you prefer), guiding you through every sip, shot, and bottle. Play ball!

For those of you who only tune in during the Halftime Show, fear not, because I didn't forget about you. Katy Perry is performing — and she's bringing along Lenny Kravitz, which is a combination that probably won't make sense unless you're drunk. So whether you're in this for the glory of your team, or the glory of Tom Brady's beautiful face, this drinking game is still for you. And if you're abstaining this year, for whatever reason, I strongly advise that you substitute one buffalo wing or other hors d'oeuvre of equal value for each drink, and play along. Let's do this!

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Here are the rules:

Take a Sip If:

  • An announcer mentions Deflate-gate
  • A pass is completed (yay sports!)
  • A player is tackled so hard you wince

Take a Shot If:

  • A commercial featuring an animal or baby makes you laugh
  • You catch a coach slapping a player's butt
  • Someone scores a touchdown (you know, the actual point of this whole game)

Down Your Drink If:

  • You catch a mascot doing something hilarious
  • You see a shirtless fan entirely covered in body paint
  • Every time the phrase "go long" is uttered

Halftime Show Mini-Game:

This is not the time for a bathroom break, people! (Unless you bring your drink with you into the bathroom. Then I admire your dedication.)

Take a Sip If:

  • You see a pyrotechnic display (take two sips if said display comes out of Katy Perry's chest)
  • Each time Katy Perry changes outfits
  • If you catch any older relatives discreetly humming along

Take a Shot If:

  • You recognize any of Lenny Kravitz' songs (besides "American Woman")
  • Katy and Lenny awkwardly lean against each other back-to-back while he solos
  • Someone emerges onstage from a trap door

Down Your Drink If:

  • An unexpected musical guest shows up
  • A wardrobe malfunction occurs
  • Lenny Kravitz takes his sunglasses off at any point

Bonus Game: Whenever the first touchdown is scored, make a note of that player's number. Try to eat that many pigs in a blanket throughout the evening.

Remember, this night is as much about your party as it is about a stupid "championship" or whatever. So have fun, get drunk, and yell at your TV. It's the American way.

Images: Giphy (4); FOTPForums; Giphy; KatyPerryEating/Tumblr