Ah, Fifty Shades of Grey. The upcoming film is the gift that keeps on giving, because not only has it inspired many parodies, think pieces, and open discussions about BDSM culture, but it's also born of a three-book series that's all too easy, and all too fun, to mock. And, sure, you don't even need to actually read Fifty Shades of Grey in order to poke fun at it, but it's not all "down there"s and inner goddesses, OK. At the end of the day, Fifty Shades of Grey is a work of eroticism, which means that a lot of the book is really, really heavy on the erotic. That's right. You might need to take a cold shower after reading that book, or watching the film adaptation, it's just that steamy.
The film won't have as much sex as the book does, according to the minds behind it, but that doesn't mean it's going to be any less sexy. After all, often times the heated chemistry between Christian and Ana was just as much in their foreplay and their kisses as it was in their intense lovemaking. Whether they're having sex, about to have sex, just finished having sex, or are thinking about having sex, here are 23 quotes from Fifty Shades of Grey that will make you want to fan yourself — or buy an extra copy of the book.
"His thumb brushes my lower lip, and I hear his breath hitch. He’s staring into my eyes, and I hold his anxious, burning gaze for a moment or maybe it’s forever... but eventually, my attention is drawn to his beautiful mouth... And for the first time in twenty-one years, I want to be kissed. I want to feel his mouth on me."
Don't we all, Ana. Don't. We. All.
“Oh, f*** the paperwork,” he growls. He lunges at me, pushing me against the wall of the elevator. Before I know it, he’s got both of my hands in one of his in a vice-like grip above my head, and he’s pinning me to the wall using his hips... I moan into his mouth, giving his tongue an opening. He takes full advantage, his tongue expertly exploring my mouth. I have never been kissed like this... He wants me. Christian Grey, Greek god, wants me, and I want him, here... now, in the elevator."
In films, elevators are used for one of three things: awkward silences, random conversation, or sex.
“Forget about the rules. Forget about all those details for tonight. I want you. I’ve wanted you since you fell into my office, and I know you want me. You wouldn’t be sitting here calmly discussing punishment and hard limits if you didn’t. Please, Ana, spend the night with me.”
I go all melty in my down there for a guy who says please and knows what he wants.
"He strolls slowly toward me. Confident, sexy, eyes blazing, and my heart begins to pound. My blood’s pumping around my body. Desire, thick and hot, pools in my belly."
You heard it here first: confidence is sexy. Work that swag walk.
“Stop biting your lip. It’s very distracting, and I happen to know you’re not wearing anything under my shirt which makes it even more distracting.”
That's how Bella Swan and Edward Cullen fell in love, too. And no one can tell me otherwise.
"His fingers skillfully stimulating me through the cloth, it’s heavenly, and my hips start moving at their own rhythm, pushing against his hand. As the sensations take over, I tilt my head back, my eyes rolling to the back of my head, my mouth slack, and I groan."
I hope you caught the part in the headline when I said this wasn't safe for work.
"I twirl my tongue around the tip again, and he flexes his hips. His eyes are open now, blistering with heat. His teeth are clenched as he flexes again, and I push him deeper into my mouth, supporting myself on his thighs"
Ana Steele: Blowjob Queen.
"He swirls his tongue round and round, again and again, keeping up the torture. I’m losing all sense of self, every atom of my being concentrating hard on that small, potent powerhouse at the apex of my thighs."
Christian Grey: Oral Master.
"Desire – acute, liquid and smoldering, combusts deep in my belly. I take pre-emptive action and launch myself at him. Somehow he moves, I have no idea how, and in the blink of an eye I’m on the bed pinned beneath him, my arms stretched out and held above my head, his free hand clutching my face, and his mouth finds mine."
She tried. She failed. A good time was still had by all.
"He slowly and leisurely trails chilled kisses down the center of my body, from the base of my throat, between my breasts, down my torso, and to my belly. He pops a fragment of ice in my navel in a pool of cool, cold wine. It burns all the way down to the depths of my belly."
Someone had to.
"Something changes while he’s kissing me, his lips grow more urgent against mine, his hand moves up from my chin and he’s holding the side of my head, his other hand on the other side. His breathing accelerates."
Can they just make out forever?
"He’s staring up at me, his eyes luminous with amusement and desire. He looks... glorious... mine. I crawl up the bed and sit astride him to undo his jeans, sliding my fingers under the waistband..."
Christian lets Ana take control for once and, surprise surprise, it's sexy as hell.
"I feel so powerful, it’s such a heady feeling, teasing and testing him with my mouth and tongue. He tenses underneath me as I run my mouth up and down him, pushing him to the back of my throat, my lips tight... again and again."
Sexy. As. Hell.
"I am f***ing him. I am in charge. He’s mine, and I’m his. The thought pushes me, weighted with concrete, over the edge, and I climax around him, shouting incoherently."
"He’s standing behind me, so close that I feel the heat radiating from him, warming me, warming me all over. He pulls my hair so it’s all hanging down my back, grasps a handful at my nape, and angles my head to one side. He runs his nose down my exposed neck, inhaling all the way, then back up to my ear. The muscles in my belly clench, carnal and wanting. Jeez, he’s hardly touched me, and I want him."
I mean, wouldn't you be?
"Christian, feigning interest in their conversation, puts his hand once more on my knee, and his fingers travel up my thigh. My breathing hitches, and I press my thighs together in a bid to halt his progress. I can see him smirk."
You could almost forget they're eating dinner with his family.
"His eyes widen slightly, filled with wonder and lust. It’s a heady mix. I swallow instinctively. His hand moves down to my behind. He pulls me sharply against him..."
His Anaconda do.
"I watch in fascination at the wanton creature writhing in front of me. Oh this feels good. I groan and close my eyes, no longer wanting to see that libidinous woman in the mirror falling apart under her own hands... his hands... feeling my skin as he would, experiencing how arousing it is – just his touch, and his calm, soft, commands."
Christian has got the magic touch. Raise your hands if you're surprised at all.
"This is what he likes. This is what he’s so good at. Everything ignites inside me and my fingers are in his hair, holding him to me, and I’m kissing him back and saying I want you too the only way I know how."
They're both fluent in body language.
"My breathing is ragged as I pant, gazing at him with delicious anticipation. He grabs my face with both hands, holding me firmly, and he kisses me hard, thrusting his tongue into my mouth so I can taste my arousal."
"Leaning down, he nuzzles my neck. Tracing his teeth and tongue from the base of my ear to my shoulder. He hums softly as he does, and the sound resonates through me. Right down... right down there, inside me. Unbidden, I groan quietly."
Cold shower time begins... now. You're welcome
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