Extreme Hammocking And 17 Other Very Questionable Things Boys Are Doing This Week
I don't know what this wasted world is coming to. Hammocks used to stand for something. And by "something" I mean "the ability to lay on your ass all day while ignoring any and all of your adult responsibilities". In short, hammocks are sacred. Hammocks are a mini-vacation from your life. But apparently these guys have deemed hammocks a way to take a mini-vacation from their brains, because they have disrespected the sanctity of laziness by turning extreme hammock spinning into a sport, god help us all.
What is extreme hammock spinning, you ask? It is, unfortunately, exactly how it sounds. The victim...er, player...clutches for dear life onto a hammock while his friends cheerfully spin it out of control in what looks to be an extremely unsafe imitation of those space simulators you see astronauts use for training. You're probably also wondering how you would dismount from such a ridiculous situation, and here is the answer: you don't. There is no dismount. There is only the clunk of your unsuspecting human self hitting the ground.
I mean no disrespect to this gallant and tricky sport, except that—oh wait, yes, I do. I have too many brain cells to condone this kind of behavior, and too much laziness in my bones to consider ever re-appropriating a hammock in such a blasphemous manner:
Oh, and just in case you thought this was a fluke in the poor judgment of boy-kind, we've rounded up a few other stupid things boys have proudly been posting on the internet lately. Brace yourselves to channel you inner over-protective parent as you watch all of these bad plans go down:
These boys who either planned this or are in the most epic pants-ing battle of all time
These guys who made "Batmanning" a thing
These dudes who made everyone at this pool party regret their extreme dodgeball shenanigans
This bro who tried to recreate "Wrecking Ball" drunk
This not-so-helpful friend who learned how not to use tow straps the hard way
These jerks who pranked their roommate and suffered the consequences (kind of)
This little playground skateboarding punk who epically bit it
These extremely miscalculating balloon pranksters
This guy who has perfected the art of hoisting up his wasted friends
These pals who took the phrase "hit the gym" a bit too literally
This kid who so horribly failed at trampolining that the family dog had to intervene
"WORRY NOT, HUMAN, I SHALL RESCUE YOU."
These friends who clearly need to be more careful about their balls
This dude who REALLY GENUINELY needs to be more careful about his balls
This roommate who was pre-punished for the prank he was trying to pull
This terrible ninja who refuses to give up
This trailblazer who just got banned from Wal-Mart
This bike stunt that went too tragically wrong to watch more than once
And yet somehow, I did anyway.
Images: Tony Alter/Flickr