Ah yes, the humans, so we meet again. It has come time for me to entice you once more with my life of luxury, and strike only the fiercest pangs of jealousy into your hearts for my feline existence. Ain't life grand as a Bilzerian cat? Baby sister Penelope and I certainly think so. While it might have taken me some time to warm up to her presence when she was first introduced into my kingdom a few weeks ago, I can now say, quite confidently, that she and I have become bosom buddies, and are living the lives that many of you deserve (yet sadly, have yet to attain). What can I say? Some cats were just born lucky.
As I have aged and wizened, I have discovered the need to document my passing days so as to better remember the perfection that is my day-to-day being. That, of course, is what I am doing through these series of articles, and better yet, I have found a personal photographer in my father, Dan, and my mother-of-sorts, Andreea. And though Instagram might be used to make some humans' lives look more glamorous than their realities, I can assure you that no filter can ever outshine my natural glamour. So, sit back and explore the lap of luxury with me, as I recount my last few weeks with the arrival of my new BFF Penelope. Try not to get too envious — green is exclusively my color.
That Time I Got Everything & Nothing I Wanted
Humans clearly have trouble listening — I said I wanted raw tuna. Do I look like the sort of princess who eats fruit and processed grains?
That Time I Slept On Pillows Fluffier Than Me
What, you think just because I have fur doesn't mean I don't like to be surrounded by more fur? Think again.
No Really, We Really Like Fur
Penelope learned from the best.
That Time My Eyes Really Did Sparkle
I told you green was my color.
That Time We Took A Breather From Being Fancy
In an even fancier bed.
That Time I Was Simultaneously Seductive And Perturbed
Nobody moves me for a remote. Not even Dan Bilzerian.
That Time I Took A Nap In Stardust
Seriously, how else do you explain the sparkles?
That Time Penelope Would Only Drink Fiji Water
Water that costs less than $4 a bottle is so unpalatable for a persnickety kitty like her (and me).
That Time We Made Orchids Look Second Rate
It's hard for flowers to compete with looks like ours, don't you think?
That Time We Lounged Like Princesses Do
Need I say more? Lux.
That Time We Hung Out In A Bathtub That Could Be A Pool
Just because you can't swim in it doesn't mean we can't, OK?
Until next time, friends. It only gets better from here.