Jon Stewart's Best Quotes Will Make You Even Sadder He's Leaving 'The Daily Show'

Sad but true: Jon Stewart is officially leaving The Daily Show in mid-2015. The host, who has brought us his specific brand of satirical news since 1999, unexpectedly told his Daily Show audience Tuesday that this would be his last season — a fact that Comedy Central confirmed later that same day. No one is particularly thrilled with Stewart leaving his space, but we can't deny that he gave us a great 15 years. To celebrate Stewart's achievements, here are the best quotes from the host that will make us laugh and think — and often both — for years to come.

by Kaitlin Reilly


“The Internet is just a world passing around notes in a classroom.”

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“I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.”

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In response to a boycott from the Catholic League, who didn’t like a joke Stewart made:

“I’m not going to censor myself to comfort your ignorance.”

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“If you don’t stick to your values when they’re being tested, they’re not values: they’re hobbies.” —The Daily Show



“Religion. It’s given people hope in a world torn apart by religion.”



“The Westboro Baptist Church is no more a church than Church’s Fried Chicken is a church.”

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On 9/11:

The reason I don’t worry about society is, nineteen people knocked down two buildings and killed thousands. Hundreds of people ran into those buildings to save them. I’ll take those odds every f*cking day.”

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“I visit Fox News every now and again, and it’s nice, because the Eye of Mordor is above the building.”

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Maybe we should always show pictures. Bin Laden, pictures of our wounded service people, pictures of maimed innocent civilians. We can only make decisions about war if we see what war actually is — and not as a video game where bodies quickly disappear leaving behind a shiny gold coin.”

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“The bias of the mainstream media is toward sensationalism, conflict, and laziness.”

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Parenthood is an amazing opportunity to be able to ruin someone from scratch.”

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“If you try to hit a grand slam, you’re going to strike out.”

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“You have to remember one thing about the will of the people: it wasn’t that long ago that we were swept away by the Macarena.”

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“In fourteen hundred ninety-two Columbus sailed the ocean blue and discovered America. Now, some have argued Columbus actually discovered the West Indies, or that Norsemen had discovered America centuries earlier, or that you really can’t get credit for discovering a land already populated by indigenous people with a developed civilization. Those people are communists. Columbus discovered America.”

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I’ve been to Canada, and I’ve always gotten the impression that I could take the country over in about two days.”

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“Why is it that if you take advantage of a corporate tax break you’re a smart businessman, but if you take advantage of something so you don’t go hungry, you’re a moocher?”

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“If your regime is not strong enough to handle a joke, then you don’t have a regime.”

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We called her Mother Earth. Because she gave birth to us, and then we sucked her dry.”

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I was born with an adult head and a tiny body. Like a Peanuts character.”

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