A Definitive Ranking Of Justin Bieber's Tattoos, From Totally Moronic To Tolerable — PHOTOS

Justin Bieber just can't quit with the tattoos. It seems like every week, he's dropping by the parlor to add another doodle to the ever-growing tapestry of humiliating body art that is his person. The Biebs has over 30 tattoos, so it's time that somebody sat down to judge them one by one. This is where I come in. Once and for all, I'm ranking all of Justin Bieber's tattoos from horrifically embarrassing, to "could be worse!" To make this game a little more fun, drink every time you see a tattoo inspired by Jesus!

36Roman Numerals On Right Pectoral

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When taken character by character, this tattoo spells out 1975, the year his mother was born, in Roman numerals. However, that’s not exactly the way that Roman Numerals work, and 1975 is correctly annotated as MCMLXXV. His super cool bad boy endeavors are foiled, yet again!

35"Love" In Gothic Letters On Right Forearm

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I mean, BE MORE ORIGINAL, DUDE!!

34Native American Head On Left Shoulder

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Biebs got this design in honor of his grandpa who used to take him to local ice hockey games for the Stratford Cullitons as a kid (this is the Stratford Culliton logo). But still, I mean, it strikes me as kinda racist.

33Owl On Left Forearm

The specific meaning behind this ink is still unknown. Wisdom?! I dunno. In my mind, I’d like to think that Bieber is just reminding himself that he loves ModCloth jewelry.

Image: Justin Bieber/Instagram

33Banksy's "Girl With Balloon" On Right Forearm

Biber is reportedly a HUGE fan of Banksy, so he got this rendition of the street artist’s “Girl With Balloon.” Unsurprisingly, the artist didn’t endorse the artwork. WOMP, womp. CLASSIC Bieber fail.

Image: Justin Bieber/Instagram

31"Patience" On Right Side Of Neck

In April 2014, the Bieb-meister branded his neck with the word “Patience.” I’m guessing this was in attempt to remind himself to just CHILL OUT when he’s waiting in line at Disney World.

Image: Justin Bieber/Instagram

30Seagull On Left Hipbone

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Bieber’s inaugural tattoo is difficult to discern at first glance (it’s a seagull), so I’m giving this one two thumbs down.

29"Forgive" Tattoo On Right Hipbone

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Ever the fan of symmetry, Bieber inked “forgive” on his right hipbone to balance out that indiscriminate shape on his left one. Better yet, he got this one while on a plane, because Bieber laughs in the face of danger and potential medical emergency.

28Treble Clef Behind Left Ear

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I’m sorry, but GET OUT of my bed…

27Diamond On Right Wrist

Same thing goes for a diamond on the wrist.

Image: Justin Bieber/Instagram

26Angel On Right Wrist

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I’m not sure if the dark-haired seraph on Bieber’s wrist is a Selena Gomez reference, but if it is, it looks like the tattoo that sends someone home on a Best Ink challenge.

25Scary Harlequin Face On Right Forearm

You may have noticed that Justin Bieber’s right arm is a collage of vaguely nightmarish imagery, but the laughing harlequin face is BY FAR the creepiest piece in the tableaux.

Image: Justin Bieber/Instagram

24Boom Box On Right Forearm

The early ’90s cartoon radio makes the half sleeve even LESS cohesive.

Image: Justin Bieber/Instagram

23Spade On Right Forearm

I mean, did he REALLY need to shade it like the thighs of a pair of acid wash jeans?

Image: Justin Bieber/Instagram

22Eight Ball On Right Forearm

Past a certain point, he’s just trying to fill up space…

Image: Justin Bieber/Instagram

21Knight On Left Forearm

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Case in point… I mean, why?!

20"Kanji" Symbol on Right Forearm

This Japanese character is reportedly the symbol for music, and it’s a bit more subtle than the rest, so snaps for that!

Image: Justin Bieber/ Instagram

19Trust Right Forearm

Let’s write ALL the corny words on his body.

Image: Justin Bieber/Instagram

18Eagle On Left Shoulder

Wanna know for sure if someone has an ego the size of Texas? Check for an eagle tattoo on their bulging bicep…

Image: Justin Bieber/Instagram

17Cross Between Pecs

And so begins the stream of Justin Bieber’s religious body art…

Image: Justin Bieber/Instagram

16World On Crucifix On Left Wrist

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I mean, DARK, right?!

15X On His Right Forearm

This is somehow ANOTHER Christ reference.

Image: Justin Bieber/Instagram

14Christian Psalm On Right Shoulder

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I’m thinking that the path that this Psalm refers to leads straight to his neighbor’s house, which he intends to egg the crap out of.

13Praying Hand On Left Ankle

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Just in case you didn’t get that Justin is ALL about his faith. I guess you have to give him points for consistency?

12Christ Portrait On Left Calf

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Exhibit A: he has Jesus on his leg. Welp, at least the religious ones seem to be better drawn than the secular ones.

11Hebrew Letters Under Left Armpit

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These Hebrew letters spell “Yeshua,” or the Hebrew word for “Jesus.” Unlike the Roman numeral tattoo, they apparently got this one right.

10Tiger On Left Bicep

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You’re TOTALLY gonna hear him roar, ya know?!

9Super Mario Ghost on Right Forearm

This one is actually pretty fun! It’s well shaded, it references pop culture, and it captures the spirit of Bieber. ‘Cause obviously, his video game character would be the one that saps our energy and sets you back a level.

Image: Justin Bieber/Instagram

8Video Game Star On Right Forearm

For some reason, I don’t mind the vintage video game tattoo motif.

Image: Justin Bieber/Instagram

7Rose On Left Elbow

Points for realism!

Image: Justin Bieber/Instagram

6"Believe" On Left Forearm

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Like many artists before and after him, Bieber had to get a tour tattoo. Although I don’t know how I feel about the ’90s breakfast-cereal-looking font.

5Crown On Left Clavicle

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According to the AMAZING Justin Bieber Tattoo Map made by MTV.com, his crown tat may be an homage to his idol, Michael Jackson — AKA, the “King of Pop.” If this is a tribute tattoo, then bravo! Alternatively, I guess it could be a prince homage?

4Compass On Right Bicep

Sure, it’s a little bit of a cliché image, but this one is drawn PRETTY well in comparison to some of the others.

Image: Justin Bieber/Instagram

3Fish Scales On Right Wrist

Born on March 1st, 1994, Bieber is a Pisces, so this is likely his version of a zodiac tattoo. rather than a run-of-the-mill Pisces symbol, his interpretation of a zodiac tattoo is pretty creative! Alternatively, he could be admitting to being a secret, land-walking fish.

Image: Justin Bieber/Instagram

2Eye On Right Forearm

He got this baby in July 2013 to remind himself that Mom is always watching. Something about “mom always watching” gives me the willies, but compared to the seagull that doesn’t look like a seagull, and the cartoony owl, this is a very well-done tattoo.

Image: Justin Bieber/Instagram

1Jester On Right Forearm

Even if this tattoo sorts gives me serious horror-movie vibes, this is the tat that I think of when I think of him. I’d say that it encapsulates Bieber’s spirit as Hollywood’s perpetual truant case.

Image: Justin Bieber/Instagram