What Women Actually Want For Valentine's Day Vs. What Men Want to Give, Because You Can't Go Wrong With Sex Toys and Food

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It doesn't matter if you think that Valentine's Day is the only legitimate way for two people to fully and honestly express their love for each other, or if you think that the holiday is a sinister capitalist conspiracy constructed to sell those weird chocolates with the cherries in the middle that no one actually likes — either way, you have to admit that men and women rarely agree on Valentine's Day gifts. In fact, a recent study found that 86 percent of male Valentine's Day gift givers missed the mark when it came to giving their lady what she actually wanted on V-Day, drowning their womenfolk in stuffed animals and chocolate, when all they really wanted was cute jewelry and Starbucks gift cards.

We at Bustle hate to see you two fight, especially on this most sacred of romantic days/ the ancient pagan winter celebration of edible underpants. And so, in the spirit of creating harmony on your home, we've recruited our friend the Venn diagram to help everyone better understand everyone else's holiday gift expectations. But frankly, you should probably scrap whatever you were planning on giving, and just buy your beloved a pizza. Everyone loves a pizza! Or a vibrator. Everyone also loves those.

So there: now no one has any excuse to buy anyone else a neon pink stuffed bunny that plays "Do Ya Think I'm Sexy?" if you squeeze it (I mean, not like you really had any excuse for that before).

Images: New Line Cinema/Rice Films/ Karz Entertainment, Illustration by Caroline Wurtzel/ Bustle