Girl Scouts of the world, please know that I think you're great, and I'm not being overdramatic when I say that buying Girl Scout cookies is the highlight of my whole entire year. I live for Thin Mints and Do-Si-Dos, I freaking dream of Tagalongs, and I wrote a song about Savannah Smiles I'm not going to share with you because it's too embarrassing. But Girl Scouts, you darling young leaders of tomorrow, it turns out I'm not as dependent on you as I previously thought — a Girl Scout Cookie Oven exists, and in the infamous words of Miranda Priestly, "that's all." You're dismissed.
Yes, that's right. Gone are the days when you have to wait ages and ages and ages for Girl Scout cookie season to arrive, because Wicked Cool Toys has devised a Girl Scout Cookie Oven that lets you whip up a batch of these sweet treasures whenever you'd like. So now when you polish off a sleeve of Thin Mints in a drunken, late-night blur, all you have to do is turn on your fancy new miracle gadget — which isn't all that different from the Easy-Bake Ovens of your blissful youth — and create some more from scratch. Say it with me now: Best. News. Ever.
The Girl Scout Cookie Oven kind of resembles a green and purple toaster oven and is, apparently, 100 percent kid friendly, which I guess means you don't have to worry about burning your entire apartment building down should you take your eyes away from your oven for a few precious seconds. All you have to do is buy a few packages of pre-made Girl Scout Cookie mix, throw together your batter, and wait for your Trefoils to bake. And just like that, you've created pure euphoria from the comfort of your own home.
The oven retails for $60, and looks a little something like this:
You can also pick up your packages of cookie mix for $7 a pop, and for those of you who are feeling really ambitious, go ahead and buy this Girl Scout cookie wagon for good measure. You're going to need something to lug your stash around with.
So Girl Scouts, don't take this personally or anything, but I think it's time I forge my own path. I love and admire your entrepreneurial spirit, and if you ever want to expand your business to include, oh I don't know, Girl Scout donuts, or Girl Scout pizza, or Girl Scout cheese sales, hit me up! I'd probably be open to doing business with you. But there's just something about making DIY Girl Scout cookies that makes me feel like an amazing and unstoppable independent woman who is able to take happiness into her own hands — not unlike Beyonce. You girls might be too young to get that just yet, but once your quarter life crisis hits in a few years, you'll totally understand where I'm coming from.
Thanks, ladies. I'm glad we had this chat.