We've talked a lot in the past about what your favorite coffee drink says about your personality — but have you ever wondered what your favorite coffee drink makes other people think about your personality? According to an AskReddit thread posted in the wee hours of the morning today, your barista will judge you based on your coffee order. It's apparently inevitable, except in incredibly rare cases. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but... sorry, everyone.
Before we go any further, though, let me take a moment say this: Of course you should go ahead and order whatever the heck you like. It's your coffee; who cares what anyone thinks about it? Indeed, the majority of the thread's responses aren't actually about the kind of drink you order — it's about how you order it and what your general attitude is. If you drink black coffee? Awesome! Enjoy it! If you drink black coffee and you're super snooty and elitist about it when you order it? Your barista will hate you (and so will everyone else), because nobody likes a jerk.
So with that in mind, what follows is a little bit of armchair psychology and a whole lot of lessons regarding the do's and don'ts of ordering a cup of joe from your favorite coffee shop. Ultimately, it all boils down to this: Be courteous, tip well, and enjoy your delicious beverage. Want some specifics? Well… don't say I didn't warn you:
1. If You Drink Black Coffee…
Congratulations! You are a total badass. And/or you're able to stomach awful coffee without batting an eye. May we all aspire to be like you one day.
Of course, you might also always get a barista who is of this mind:
Baristas can be just as mean as customers can be. Womp, womp.
2. If You Don't Actually Know What the Drink You Ordered Is...
To be fair, there's a difference between ordering an unfamiliar drink because you'd like to find out what it is and ordering a drink you think is one thing, but which is actually something else — and then complaining about it. It's not the barista's fault you don't know what a cappuccino is, so don't take it out on them. Also, don't forget to tip!
3. If You're This Guy…
OK, I could have done without the fat-shaming dig at the end of this story… but seriously. Don't be this guy. You will be the cause of much grief, annoyance, and lack of overtime pay to so many coffee shop employees. Baristas are people too, and they don't like to stay at work longer than they have to anymore than you do.
4. If You Order Like You Think You Deserve Special Treatment…
People actually try to cross the mighty counter divide? The only thing separating employees from occasionally terrifying customers? Who are you monsters?!
5. If You Order a Super Caffeinated and Sugary Drink for Your Very Small Child…
Just get them a milkshake or a smoothie or something. That much caffeine cannot be good for a small child.
6. If You Are Determined to Make Your Barista Make the Exact Same Drink Twice…
This one is an excerpt from a much
longer and incredibly epic comment from Redditor BCProgramming.
I highly suggest reading the whole thing; in addition to this piece
of work, it also includes lessons on how not to deal with allergies,
as well as some coworker complaints.
7. If You Try to Order a Specialty Coffee Drink at a Place That Doesn't Do Specialty Coffee Drinks…
Sorry, but the world is not your own personal Starbucks.
8. If You Order Six Shots of Espresso in One Go…
Your barista is concerned for your health. It might be a good idea to listen to them. They have your best interests at heart.
9. But Also, Remember This:
Again, the big takeaway from this
whole thread is: Drink what you like — just don't be an asshole
when you order it. Just do you, considerately.
Images: Giphy (3)