Things I did not do this weekend included seeing Fifty Shades of Grey. Part of me kind of wishes I had, though, because this AskReddit thread detailing the weirdest things people have found at screenings of Fifty Shades of Grey is truly, truly epic. To be fair, you can see a lot of exceedingly odd things at movie theaters even during the most innocuous of films; there's something about pairing them with this particular film, though, that just makes it all the more hilarious. I consider it proof that there is a big cosmic joke out there. Sometimes, the universe definitely delivers.
But first, a disclaimer: To be honest, I'm not totally convinced about the veracity of some of this thread's submissions. In fact, there's a high probability that most of them are not real; after all, "Redditors that work at movie theaters, what is the weirdest thing you've seen at the Fifty Shades of Grey premieres so far?" is exactly the kind of question most Redditors like to troll for all they're worth. But even if they're made-up, I do have to give everyone credit for dreaming up some truly creative responses — and if they're not made-up? Let's just say you have earned my undying respect, movie theater employees of Reddit.
Here are some of the 10 most... shall we say, unique things Reddit has seen things at Fifty Shades screenings thus far. For more, head on over to AskReddit — but consider yourselves warned. It's a jungle out there.
1. Awkward Family Time
I'm all for demystifying sex — but that still doesn't mean I want to watch a movie about sex with my parents. Either they have no idea what they're in for, or have fewer boundaries than I (and probably a lot of other people) have.
At least in that case, though, the ages weren't specified; it's possible that by “family of four,” we're talking about two parents and two grown children (or some other arrangement which also involves four grown ass adults). In this next one?…
2. Difficulty Getting a Babysitter
...Not so much. If I ever have kids, the one rule I am setting for myself as a parent that I will never, ever break is this one: If I would like to go do or see something that is inappropriate for children of a certain age, but am unable to find a babysitter… I will simply not go do or see that thing. In the case of movies, I can always watch it later when it comes out on DVD after the kids are in bed for the night.
3. Evidence of Audience Participation
I'm choosing to believe that the masks were simply tasteful accessories and that both halves of the handcuffs were worn on one wrist as a bracelet.
4. This Intriguing Combination of Items:
The condoms are perhaps not so surprising (I'm really hoping that they were unused and still wrapped, having simply fallen out of someone's pocket)… but the salmon? That's… an interesting choice.
5. A Mislabeled Theater
I would be confused, too.
Alas, there is no photographic evidence that this one actually happened; as such, we should probably take it with a grain of salt. If it did occur in real life, though? You win, Mr. The Grey. You win.
7. Too Much Information
I actually love this lady, even though I have never met her. You rock that lacy underwear! Just, y'know, keep it on while you're in the cinema. Don't…
8. Lost Underwear
...Do that. Just don't.
9. A Small Dog
Tell me, where is this theater that allows pets inside? I must know!
10. The Remains of a Wine-Tasting Party
Apparently this theater does not check bags for outside snacks. Even if they found them, though, I'm pretty sure the reaction would be something like this: